I have watched with curiosity while the whole “Duck Dynasty” hoopla has played out.  I still have yet to read the whole article in question in which Phil Robertson is accused of being homophobic and racist.  I have only heard and read snippets of the interview, all taken out of context I am sure.  The Robertson family appears to be a family of strong, biblical faith.  I have seen and heard far more positive coverage of the family than negative.  I am convinced that Mr. Robertson’s comments have been sensationalized and his intent was not to be hateful or hurtful to anyone.

That being said, I would like to address the issue of what he is accused of saying and why I believe as a Christian he should have kept his mouth shut on such matters when being interviewed for a magazine such as GQ.  In Matthew 7, Jesus told his listeners not to give what is sacred to dogs.  GQ magazine is not a Christian publication which targets a Christian population.  Why would someone attempt to define what is “sin” with a periodical that clearly is not concerned with the definition?

Another teaching Jesus gave his followers in Matthew 7, is not to hypocritically judge others.  Why bother cleaning up your neighbor’s minute mess when you have a junk pile in your own back yard which needs to be cleaned up?  Before a Christian sits down and starts condemning homosexuality, he needs to make sure the sins in his own life are not weighing him down.  Romans 1:29-32, gives a comprehensive list:  greed, envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, boastful, disobedient to their parents, senseless, faithless, heartless, and ruthless.  I look at this list and realize there is so much work to do in my own life; I do not have the time to go around telling others what sins they need to take care of in their lives.  If someone comes to me and asks for guidance, I am more than happy to point him or her to the One who can help.  Why do we as Christians spend so much time judging the sins in the lives of others rather than nourishing the relationships with which God may bless us?  Instead of pointing to a particular group of sinners (by the way, we are ALL sinners) and saying, “You’re wrong;” we should be introducing them to the One who has the power to redeem everyone from his or her pain and sin and give new beginnings. 

1 Corinthians 5:9-13, makes it quite clear that judging people outside of the church is God’s work, not mine.  My job is to love those who are outside of God’s loving embrace.  Through my love they may very well come to know Him who loves them no matter where they are and who they love.  Perhaps next time Mr. Robertson is interviewed, he will remember all of Christ’s teaching. 

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:36-39

Fear of being hurt has prevented me from loving many people in my life.  When I became united in marriage with another person, I believed that this fear would magically disappear. I erroneously believed that all the barriers I had constructed around my heart would come crashing down with those two simple words, "I do."  However, the fortress was impenetrable.  I soon found myself feeling alone and miserable inside the prison I had constructed around my heart.  

Then I became a Christian.  "Perhaps now I will know intimacy."  And I threw myself wholeheartedly into a relationship with God, feeling that He alone would fill the void. I soon discovered that although I no longer felt alone, I still sensed an emptiness--a need for companionship which could not be satisfied through my faith.  

Intimacy is impossible to achieve in God alone. When God created man, he immediately recognized that “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.”[1]  God knew this because He had created man with the desire to be with someone of the opposite sex. Although Adam had been in perfect communion with God, he had still longed for human companionship.  After God created Eve, Adam’s longing was completely satisfied.  

When I became a Christian, I was convinced that God would complete me, therefore, companionship was unnecessary.   However, a relationship with the opposite sex was created in our being.  It was not until after God created them male and female that He made the observation that all was perfect.  It was not until the fall of man that this desire was distorted and morphed into something quite different than what God designed.  Now, in our sinful state that longing has been replaced or is nonexistent.  I had been searching for fulfillment in God alone, not realizing He had designed me to find complete joy in my marriage. 

My faith brought me to the realization that my fear was preventing me from loving wholly.  God blasted through the barricade and revealed to me how fulfilling marriage can be. Without Him, I would never have bothered to search beyond my faith for intimacy in my relationship with my husband.

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[1] Genesis 2:18

The holiday season is in full swing.  There is still shopping to complete, menus to plan, and cookies to bake; and Christmas is in two days.  Talk about stress!  I feel like a rubber band which has been pulled taut and either I will snap back into place or break, the results are yet to be seen.  What does this have to do with intimacy?  A lot!  

Stress can wreak havoc on a relationship.  Rarely do two people handle tension in the same way.  Some people shut out the world, while others come out swinging.  Even the way in which we maneuver through stressful situations will impact intimacy.  We tend to lash out at those closest to us.  Feelings are wounded, pride prevents apologies, and the friendship which we have tried so hard to preserve flounders in the aftermath.  How do we survive the holiday gloom that somehow replaces the glee?

You have to eliminate pride.  There is no room for it in the realm of a relationship.  It will destroy and devour all that is worthy.  Humility will allow apologies and soothing words to heal the wounds our short tempers will inflict.  How quickly we forget how flawed we are in an attempt to justify our fallen nature!  

Putting things in perspective is another vital tool for surviving the holiday madness.  Why do we celebrate Christmas and a new year's beginning?  To commemorate new life and new beginnings and the gift of grace bestowed upon us over 2,000 years ago.  If decorating, gift-giving, and cooking has taken over your every waking moment, then it is time to sit back and reevaluate exactly what you are celebrating.  Family, friends, and fun should be at the forefront of all you do.  And if you have faith in a merciful, loving God, your first and final thoughts should be consumed with the many undeserved blessings you have received throughout your life, your spouse being one of those blessings.  Where would you be if you did not have a husband and/or children with which to celebrate this special time of the year?  What if you were alone as so many people are without a home, let alone presents to give?  Perspective makes all the difference.

Use this time wisely.  Breathe deeply.  Love completely.  The holiday season will soon end and your relationship will remain intact.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."  Proverbs 11:2

I want to continue my conversation with young women about purity. 

Over the years, I have had the pleasure of serving middle school students in our church.  Often I have posed the question, “What is purity?” The most common answer I have received to this question is not to have sex before marriage.  This is only partly right. What about everything that can occur between holding hands and intercourse?

First, let us take a look at the literal definition of the word.  The dictionary defines purity as “freedom from adulterating matter; cleanness or clearness; freedom from evil or sin; innocence; chastity”[1]  Since chastity is mentioned in the definition, I feel it is also important to define this word.  Chastity is “virtuousness; sexual abstinence; celibacy; decency or modesty.”[2]  Both of these words are associated with moral excellence and being undefiled.  It is vital that we understand this virtue in order to experience boundless intimacy within marriage and with God.  We have to get this right!

When I think of pure as an adjective, the first thing that comes to mind is pure love.  I can honestly say my love for God is pure.  As a mother, I also think about the love I have for my children.  There is something amazingly perfect about holding an infant upon your chest while he or she sleeps and listening to the gentle breathing and gazing upon the pouty lips and upturned nose.  This type of love is not clouded with ulterior motives or selfishness.  1 Corinthians 13, in the Bible is often referred to as the “love chapter.”  In it we are told that love is patient, kind, without jealousy, humble, without boasting, considerate, not easily angered, forgiving, truthful, protecting, trusting, and never failing.  Did you notice that not one sexual reference is included in that description?  In fact, you would not dare have a sensual thought about an infant or toddler!  That would be perverted; it is absolutely unthinkable!  How could there be anything pure about that?  Ah!  Now we are getting somewhere.  How is even having a sexual thought synonymous with pure love?  It’s not.

Purity is not a physical condition.  It is a state of mind.  Lusting is not pure! We know the power of the mind can do some amazing things; but on the other hand, it can also wreak havoc in a life.  Thus purity has to start in a place where no one else can see, a place where it is easy to hide our desires and dreams.  We fantasize and never even realize how it is slowly stealing something very precious from us.  Many times a girl loses her virginity before she even crawls into bed with someone.

I have spoken to more than one young lady who thinks passionately kissing a young man with her body pressed against his was okay.  After all, she was physically pure, and never in a million years would she have sex without being married.  I have always asked the young woman in question, “What were you thinking while you were making out?  More importantly, what do you think he was thinking?”  I can guarantee you he wasn’t thinking about how smart she was or what a pretty smile she had.  No, on the contrary!  Do you want a boy mentally undressing you and having sex with you during what you believe is an innocent romp? Being the mother of two teenage boys I can assure you that when a young lady is pressed against a young man, he is aware of every curve of her body and it does arouse him.  Is that fair to either one of you?  Are you remaining pure?  Are you allowing him to maintain his purity?

Your purity is a precious, beautiful gift to bestow upon your husband.  When you get to the altar and pledge your devotion to the love of your life, how much of your purity do you want to give?  How much do you want to receive?  Protect this gem at all costs, and remember the battle begins in the mind.

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[1] Victoria Neufeldt, editor in chief, Webster’s New World College Dictionary, Third Edition, (Simon & Schuster, Inc. 1997), p. 1092

[2] Victoria Neufeldt, editor in chief, Webster’s New World College Dictionary, Third Edition, (Simon & Schuster, Inc. 1997), p. 237

While researching the topic of sexuality and empowerment, I was shocked by what many highly educated experts have to say.  I have come to the realization that just because you have a PhD in psychology does not necessarily mean your opinions are correct.  Our society has moved so far away from the truth that it is frightening.  There is definitely a very liberal agenda being pushed through our educational system.

 

Most “authorities” on the subject of a woman’s sexuality all agree that a woman should listen to her “vagina.”  If she wants to explore her sexuality, she should do so with whomever she happens to be emotionally and spiritually drawn to at the moment.  The impression is that this willingness to be completely aware of one’s own sexuality and to be able to act upon it empowers one in a way nothing else will.   Miki Kashtan, Ph.D., in an article titled “Sex, Vulnerability, and Power,”[1] put it this way:

 “I saw and felt that sexual attraction was essentially a willingness to expose a certain vulnerability to a person. In that sense, I saw attraction as a deep choice rather than a thing that happens. I had an inkling that on some level perhaps any person could be sexual with any other person, if that choice and opening become possible. Recognizing the choice, I decided to exercise it, and noticed myself opening up to the possibility with that woman. I don't remember ever before or since being so fully aware of choice, and therefore power, in the experiences of sharing sexually with anyone.”

In a moment full of sexual tension, Dr. Kashtan felt empowered because she “chose” to give in to those feelings.  How is that empowering?  I may be wrong, but how is what I conceive to be a lack of self-control demonstrating one’s power? As a woman, I find it offensive that practicing my choice to be sexually active with whomever I choose is the act one considers to empower me.  And this coming from a fellow female!  Just because you feel sexually aroused does not necessarily mean you should act upon those feelings.  Giving in to our carnal desires is not demonstrating discipline.  Discipline practiced in a life is what empowers someone.  Learning to control our primal urges is invigorating.  If one were to follow Dr. Kashtan’s advice, she would soon find herself feeling powerless.  Choosing to share sexually with someone is not the same thing as having control. 

This logic could lead to a valid argument for pedophiles.  “But a child does not have a choice,” you may counter.  Yet, a 14 year old girl can make the decision to have a sexual relationship with a 50 year old man.  Does that mean we should accept the relationship because both have chosen to share sexually?  Of course not!  Although the 14 year old may make the conscious decision to be in such a relationship, most would agree that the man would be taking advantage of someone who has yet to discover who she is.  This is not a relationship of equals. 

However, is any physical relationship before marriage truly about equality?  Usually, one is more emotionally committed than the other.  There is a duplicity that exists when two single people choose to engage in sexual activity.  Therefore, one is always at a disadvantage, just as in the aforementioned case.  Sex within marriage places two individuals on equal ground.  Protection is built into the wedding vows and the laws of our country.

Premarital sex does not empower, yet it may very well enslave you.  Self-indulgence does not equal control.  Choose to live a disciplined life rather than a life bowed to desire.

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[1] http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/acquired-spontaneity/201312/sex-vulnerability-and-power, Acquired Spontaneity, Miki Kashtan, Ph.D., December 6, 2013

A question was brought up concerning my last post.  Before I continue my conversation about purity and why it is so important for young people, I need to address the question.  If it was asked by one, it may very well have been thought by many.  The question posed was, “The assumption would be that you and Woody are incapable of having a truly intimate relationship because of the poor choices you (and/or he) made when you were younger.  As if you are somehow destined to live in an inferior relationship for the rest of your life because of those choices you/he made when you were far too young to understand the consequences.  I think sometimes a deeper intimacy can be formed because of the trials a person has been through….Is that the best way to get intimacy?  Maybe not, but isn’t it a more realistic picture of intimacy in today’s world?”

I will first address whether Woody and I were doomed to an inferior relationship.  In reality?  Yes, we were.  Our marriage was on a collision course.  We struggled to have even physical intimacy, let alone spiritual or emotional.  Our pasts threatened to devastate anything positive that might have come from our union.  We had a considerable obstacle standing in the way blocking the road which led to intimacy.  I had entered into our marriage with a duffel bag full of sexual sin slung over my shoulder.  “I hope you don’t mind if I bring a few extra guests into our marriage.  They won’t bother us too much.  I’ll only have to wrestle down those memories occasionally.  Oh, I see you have a bag, too.”  There we were, trying to bury two sizable duffels full of memories which threatened to come between us at any moment.  Many of us do the same thing.  We arrive at the altar with a suitcase either openly displayed or hidden under the bridal gown, and then we lug it into our relationships trying to keep it from popping open.  And we wonder why we struggle with intimacy?  We are incapable of standing before each other exposed and unashamed.

Before Woody and I could stand before each other completely naked in every sense of the word without shame, we had to face our guilt and let God remove our sins.  This was a long, painful process.  Yes, we were doomed, as all sinners are, but God covered our shame with His righteousness and restored our marriage.  He rescued our relationship as only He could do.  We stand before Him and before each other as new creatures.  Our union has been strengthened by a bond secured by our Savior. 

Our way was not the best way to acquire intimacy, and many who have traveled the same road never end up reaching the same destination.  Many cannot move past the road blocks, not by God’s will, but by their own.  God can and will remove anyone’s shame; however, He cannot make a move until you allow Him to do so.

Is this a more realistic picture of intimacy in today’s world?  I do not believe so, nor do I believe it has to be.  A realistic picture of intimacy in today’s world defines intimacy as sex, when in reality intimacy has nothing to do with sex.  Even sex defined by our culture is not an intimate act as designed by God.  We have taken what should be the most loving, intimate act and turned it into a form of entertainment.  How did we get to the point where we can use “casual” and “sex” in the same sentence, let alone use casual as an adjective to describe sex?  If you look in a thesaurus, one of the antonyms listed for the word “casual” is “designed.”  Casual sex is the exact opposite of what God designed! 

I addressed young people yesterday because I know there is a better way to achieve intimacy.  It is a whole lot easier to enter into union whole than it is to repair years of brokenness.  You have the opportunity to enter into a covenant relationship full of promise rather than one fragmented by the past.  Isn’t that the best way to attain intimacy?

Today's post (and the next few) is for those young ladies who are waiting for the blessed day they become someone's wife. Did you realize intimacy in marriage can be broken before your vows are even spoken?

When I was young and single I had no clue that the life I was living would come back to haunt me years later when it could have the most damaging effect.  I, like so many young people today, lived for the moment.  YOLO is not unique to this decade.  Every generation since the fall of man has had the same thought.  You only live once, so enjoy the moment to its fullest.  Do what your heart desires.  Forget about tomorrow.  The consequences of today may never come because, really, you only have this moment.  And with that philosophy, so many have made decisions which wreak havoc on their lives when the moment passes and tomorrow comes.  I woke up with regret far too many times.  However, I learned to hide my shame and accept my decisions as positive educational experiences.  How little did I know!

When our purity has been defiled, it is difficult to know true, unadulterated intimacy.  You see, intimacy deals with our innermost being-our most private or personal parts.  It is a thorough familiarity with someone or something.  If, however, it is known so well by several people, it is no longer intimate.  Then it becomes public and superficial.  Something which should be cherished within the protective bonds of marriage is cheapened by a world who encourages sexual exploration outside of marriage.  Purity must be maintained if you hope to know the beautiful bond which ties a husband and wife together.

If you only live once, shouldn't that once be the best that life has to offer?  Is "casual" sex really what is best? How is becoming so intimately acquainted with someone who may or may not be in your future, developing the commitment which will be required for marriage?  How can you hope to know true intimacy with your future spouse if you have already given away the most precious, intimate gift you had to give?

There are seasons in every marriage that feel like a drought.  The crust cracks and the flora fades.  We pray for rain to fall upon our desolate places, only to know disappointment when our prayers seem to go unanswered.  We fail to see how anything can grow under such severe conditions.  We doubt.  We falter. We fail.

Even wetlands experience drought.  Extended periods of wet and dry are necessary to improve productivity in such an area.  Over time, organic material sinks to the bottom of a wetland basin.  Without oxygen, this material can only decompose a certain amount.  The soil becomes too soft for plants to take root and grow, causing a decline in the variety of flora that may grow in that region.  This in turn impacts the whole ecosystem.  A drought rejuvenates wetland productivity.  Oxygen allows further decomposition enriching the soil with much needed nutrients.

Droughts in a marriage can also improve productivity.  Sometimes we need the arid seasons in order to allow God's healing power to breath oxygen into the softening areas of our lives.  We take the rain for granted and fail to nurture our relationships.  Intimacy is a full time commitment which needs rainy and arid seasons in order to remain fruitful.

Next time your marriage feels as if it has hit a dry spell, perhaps instead of praying for rain you should pray for God's oxygen to bring new riches into your relationship.

"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:" Ecc. 3:1

Friendship is one of the most valuable relationships in the world.  We are told in God's word "A friend loves at all times...." (Proverbs 17:17a).  At all times?  I have questioned that adjective more than once, and never have I questioned it more than in my marriage.  The most difficult friendship to maintain is the one you have to face nearly twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.  But at the same time it should be the most intimate relationship you have.  It is rather impossible to not know someone intimately when you are waking up next to him with morning breath and surviving the time period between stepping out of bed and the first cup of coffee.  Yet so many times the friendship in marriage seems to disappear.  It gets buried in the day to day drudgery of work, carpools, children, and chores.  You spend a lot of time talking to your spouse rather than with him.  Your conversations are filled with schedules and appointments that need to be met, discipline issues that necessitate action, and finances, finances, finances.  There is no time to develop a fondness for the other's qualities or mind, and if you are not spiritually growing as a couple, there never will be.  Then one day after ten plus years of marriage, children, and a mortgage you may find you are sitting across the table from a stranger who occasionally provides physical comfort and shares the family's responsibilities.  Does this sound familiar?  Perhaps, perhaps not; but that was my story.  So much for loving at all times.  Heck, I was struggling to like at any times.

Friendship requires respect, and so often our problems with honoring others stem from our lack of self-respects.  Self-respect requires understanding your value in God's eyes.  Do you know without a shadow of doubt God values you?  You may think, "Yea, great!  But you don't know the things I've done.  You don't know how I struggle with anger or bitterness or self-control.  You don't see the things lurking in my past.  So, that's easy for you to say.  I'm a stay-at-home mom or under appreciated employee.  I feel so de-valued!"  Guess what.  I have said all of those things.  I struggle with anger control; it is a horrible demon that God has to help me battle daily, and sometimes I lose.  I have been bitter.  I have a past that causes me to shudder in shame anytime I recall it.  I am a stay-at-home mom and have been for 17 years.  Trust me, there have been days when I have really struggled to see the value in changing diaper after diaper, cooking, cleaning, and lending my talents as a full time taxi service.  I put my education on hold in order to home educate my children, which some may think is admirable; however, in a community of women with post-graduate degrees and flourishing careers, I feel inadequate.  No one is more flawed than I am.  Nonetheless, God still values me just as He values you.  Once you realize this, respecting others becomes easy.

Do you find your lack of respect for others is rooted in insecurity?  If so, go to the One who will always love and value you.  Once you realize how precious you are, you can begin healing the friendships in your life which have suffered due to a lack of respect.  You can learn to love at all times once again.

We have all experienced loss and disappointment.  We have watched as our dreams burst into flames, slowly fell to the ground and settled among the ash heaps.  It is devastating to watch an idea in which we have believed whole heartily, lose momentum and die.

Many times that is exactly what happens in marriage.  We dream of the wedding, the exquisite dress, the fragrant flowers which will fill the church with their glorious beauty.  We envision our friends dancing gaily with us during the reception and then being scooped up into our husband's strong arms to enjoy our first night of wedded bliss.  We spend so much time preparing for that one day we forget about the 20,000 days which may follow.  Unfortunately, those days come without the dress, the flowers, or the dancing.  Our dreams of happily ever after go up in smoke, along with so many others.  "This is not what I imagined marriage would be," we find ourselves thinking.  And we fall into a pit of bitterness as disappointment spreads through our ideas, crushing our spirits.

What if we spent as much time preparing for the days to follow the wedding as we do preparing for the day itself?  We spent thirteen months preparing for our wedding, yet not once did we contemplate the days to follow. What a shock it was to realize that two individuals trying to become one unit takes time and patience! We were not prepared for life after the honeymoon.  It took twice as long to prepare for "death do us part" after the wedding than if would have if we had just made the necessary preparations before hand.  Why do we spend so much time consumed with one day?  Once the cake is gone and the soiree has ceased, you are bound to someone who will not always be delightful.  

How do we make provisions for a lifetime spent in wedded bliss?  Perhaps that is the answer for which we should be searching, rather than whether or not black is an appropriate color for bride's maid dresses.  

Let God prepare your heart for a lifetime of loving rather than a day of delight.

Sometimes the past lurks in the shadows, hiding from the light, spreading darkness.  Other times it stands out in the open, staring into our souls, destroying our hopes for the future. We stuff our memories deep into a closet, covering them up with odds and ends; then we close the door and stand with our backs up against it, hoping that nothing escapes and no one sees what we have hidden away in the recesses of our minds.

Our past has the ability to steal our present and future joy.  How?  By leaving us discontent with our present circumstances by constantly comparing events to the past, which somehow end up being glorified versions of reality.  We leave out details when reminiscing, details which were important because they caused much pain and suffering.  

Those memories stand in the way, blocking the path to intimacy.  How can we expect to truly be transparent when we are hiding behind days gone by with our backs against the closet door that is holding all of our secrets?  We can't.  But there is a solution.  God is in our midst, waiting for permission to empty our closets, to place everything into a bag, and to throw our past transgression into the deepest sea.  He can remove the road block.  He can make us new.

What is it in your past which you are holding onto which is preventing you from experiencing all the joy and intimacy that is waiting for you inside your marriage?  It is time to get out the black sharpie and mark through all of those things.  Quit highlighting a glorified version of your past.  Instead, let God highlight the present and lead you into a bright, new future.

Job 14:17 "My offenses will be sealed up in a bag; you will cover over my sin."

What is intimacy?  Is it a physical connection based on mutual attraction and satisfaction? Before becoming a wife and Christian I believed that to be the case.  I had deduced through peers and our sex-saturated media that what Woody and I had experienced was intimacy. So why after three children and ten plus years of marriage did I feel as if I were living with a stranger?  Our physical relationship failed to satisfy my heart and soul.  I was empty, emotionally bankrupt.  That is when I began searching for God's definition of intimacy and discovered how flawed mine had been.

Intimacy has nothing to do with sex.  It is a spiritual bond that brings peace and satisfaction like nothing else in this world.  It is comfortable and safe.  Beautiful and bright.  However, building a friendship with faith as the foundation can be difficult when you have based that friendship on a physical bond.  How do you find your way to that place of spiritual and emotional familiarity?  It is not easy, but it is absolutely possible when you both endeavor to place God at the center of who you are as a couple.  

I can say with all honesty that Woody is the only man with whom I have been intimate.  He has prayed for and with me and seeks God's will for our family.  He quiets my fears and inspires my dreams.  He knows the woman God has created me to be and helps me daily as I strive to be that person.  That is intimacy.  That is what God designed marriage to be.

How are you doing in this area of your life?  What prevents you from knowing your spouse the way God intended?  What needs to change?

Malachi 2:15a "Has not the Lord made them one?  In flesh and spirit they are his."

Bound together in a covenant relationship with God, family, and intimate acquaintances as witnesses to the vow we made.  We pledged to love and respect each other, through good times and bad.  We made so many promises; but as the years flew by, children arrived, mortgages acquired, and careers advanced, we rarely--if ever--meditated upon those words spoken in a candle lit church with stained-glass windows.  Instead, we had new words spoken in anger, frustration, and fatigue upon which to contemplate.  Those were the words we turned over in our minds and brought out into the open whenever the opportunity presented itself.  Bitterness had replaced forgiveness as we slowly drifted apart.

How do you learn to forgive once a condemning spirit has taken over?  How do you open up your heart that has been broken by the one person who promised to always protect it?  Why is it necessary to give second, third, and fourth chances?  Because it is what we have received.  When I pledged my heart to my Savior, I vowed to love Him and to cease my hostile behavior towards Him and others.  However, I have broken that promise more than once, and every single time I have hurt my God whom I vowed to love wholly.  Fortunately, He has been there to forgive each and every moment of each and every day.   And He hasn't been keeping score, weighing the weight of my words, condescendingly telling me my apologies mean nothing.  Instead, God opens His arms wide and invites me to take comfort in them, which is the same thing He has done and will do for you.  So I ask you, why do we forgive?  Because we have been forgiven.

Today, instead of contemplating upon the hostile words and moments of frustration, think back to the words you spoke on your wedding day.  It is not easy to move past the pain, but it is more than possible with God's guidance to find the path which leads to healing.

Colossians 3:13 "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

No one knows more than I do the storms that rock a marriage.  I have stood in the midst of the tempest, gasping for air knowing I would soon be overcome by the wind and the torrential downpour.  I have pleaded for relief.  My faith has faltered.  Yet, here I stand today loving my husband more than I did yesterday.  We share an intimate connection I never believed possible.  How did we overcome the deluge of doubt and dissent?  We took hold of the only life line that could have possibly saved us.  We were pulled from the deep waters and rescued from the storm.

God is our source of hope.  Intimacy begins and ends with Him.  He knows our hearts' desires more than we do.  He created us to be in perfect harmony with another human being.  Marriage was instituted in the Garden of Eden many, many years ago when man was without a suitable companion and God gave him woman.  A bond was formed with God as the glue, and it was perfect.  It wasn't until man fell out of communion with God that he started to pull away from his wife and blame her for his regretful choices.  Without God, there is no hope of intimacy.

Do you have intimacy with God?  Can you pray with your spouse?  Is God your glue?

2 Samuel 22:17 "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters."

Our lives are intricately woven into a stiff, durable fabric covering the vulnerability which we all feel.  We hide behind half-truths and bravado.  We live life fearful that someone, somewhere might see who we really are.  We are so afraid of the person in the mirror before the makeup hides the imperfections and all those tell-tell signs of aging.  Yet we wonder why we struggle so with intimacy.

If we cannot be honest with ourselves, how can we be so with others?  Unfortunately, intimacy takes transparency.  Until we throw off the masks and the fabric which we hide beneath, we will not truly know anyone, nor will anyone truly know us.  In marriage--especially--we must be totally truthful.  You must be able to stand before your spouse completely naked, figuratively and literally, and feel no shame.  

What is preventing you from knowing true intimacy?

Genesis 8:25 "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."