Fifteen years of blood, sweat, and tears reduced to a box of memories.  Woody gave his best over and over again, leading the country in sales time and time again.  Vacation after vacation he carried work with him in his back pocket, ready to pull it out in a moment’s notice and make himself available to his employees.  Dedicated, hard-working, relentless were all adjectives used to describe Woody as he exceeded expectations upon every review.  And now all the awards along with framed photos of our family sit in a box upon his desk collecting dust.

Yet, we are hopeful, almost excited, as God begins a new chapter in our lives.  How can we look ahead with joy in the midst of mayhem?  Because we serve a God greater than our circumstances!  We are not fearful nor do we grow faint.  Don’t get me wrong; we know there will be suffering and doubt along the way.  However, we also know that growing sometimes involves pain.  We are looking well into the future—maybe even beyond our time here on this planet—to our final destination.  Nothing can disappoint us or dim the beauty of what we have yet to experience.

“And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”  Romans 5:5 

Shocked, mortified, bewildered doesn't even begin to encompass all I am feeling right now.  And I didn't even take a direct hit.  My husband absorbed the impact of the news we received this morning.  His ego, any shred of confidence he had, has been blown to bits.  He is the type of man who takes his responsibility as a husband and father quite seriously.  He will protect and provide, but at this moment I know he is questioning how he will continue to do so.

What is my role?  What do I say?  I am just as blown away as he is.  I am on my knees begging for answers and the silence is deafening.  However, my faith is not shaken.  I am looking into the future expectantly, wondering what God will do.  How will we grow from this?  What will we gain?  Those are the questions running through my mind searching for a place to settle.  As shocked as we were by the news we received, God was not.  He has a game plan ready to be played.  We need merely to keep our eyes focused on the way which He has prepared for us.

It doesn't mean the pain is any less searing, nor does it mean we will not doubt the way; yet I know without a doubt we will come out ahead.  God always has a better plan.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

Life Is Exhausting!

Life is exhausting!  If being a wife were not enough to zap the wind from my sails, being a mother is.  I feel like I’m in a row boat on the high seas during a hurricane.  Paddling keeps me afloat and that’s about it.  I am pretty sure “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” did not cover what to expect for the next 18 years while your little bundle of joy grows into a hormonal teenager with an opinion to boot.  Nor did it cover how to keep the romance alive while teenagers roam the house and grow suspicious of any time their parents’ spend alone in the bedroom.  The exclamations of, “That’s gross!” and knocks on the bedroom door really do nothing to add to the ambiance.  I am quite sure that the reason no one has written an in depth book describing what it is like to raise a child from infancy to adulthood, is because if she did, we would fail to "be fruitful and multiply."

Yet, we trudge through the days, some bringing tears while others bring triumph.  We laugh, we cry, and we continue on.  And soon, our oldest child will be off to college and we will be left redecorating his room and trying to fill the void he leaves behind.  We will find more time as a couple to talk about us rather than our children. 

We spent ten to fifteen years in a daze as we developed our children’s character, molded their futures, and helped them develop their passions.  We gave them faith in God and a source for truth.  Occasionally, we would glance to our sides and notice each other there in the dark.  We never thought the light at the end of the tunnel was just that; no, we were certain it was the locomotive that trampled us over every night, leaving fatigued and fighting individuals in the morning.  Now we can clearly see that it was just what so many who had traversed the way before us said it was, hope.

Yes, life is exhausting, but we only have one opportunity to do it right.  In the end we will be rewarded by well-adjusted children who, by the way, will end up traveling down the same road someday.  And I for one can hardly wait to see karma work its way through the next generation.

I have known great longing in life.  I have longed for loyalty, love, and a life of peace.  I have searched in vain for true happiness, only to know disappointment and despair.   When I married, I was sure that my thirst would be quenched—I would finally find fulfilment.  Instead, I felt as if I were standing near the edge of a stream flowing with pure, refreshing water that I was unable to reach.  Instead of finding relief, my desire intensified.

We are broken in so many ways.  We have lost sight of hope.  We do not trust.  We do not love.  We are full of fear.  Searching for contentment, we cling to others or push them away; and still we suffer from scarcity.  We are on the brink of emotional starvation.  How do we extinguish our thirst?

Before we can realize love, loyalty, and a life of peace we have to learn to love self.  We need to recognize our value, and we will never find it through the eyes of another person. Our true worth can only be found through the eyes of our Creator. Believe it or not, everyone was created for a purpose.  God has a plan for each and every person.  In fact, part of that plan involved the greatest sacrifice imaginable—death on a cross in order to grant reconciliation and renewal.  You are precious!  You are worthwhile!  And you are loved!  Once we gain this knowledge, we can truly know intimacy in relationships as God designed.  Intimacy satisfies longing. It brings peace to our troubled souls

What is holding you back?  Where have you been searching in an attempt to find your value?  Where is your hope?  Go to the stream of living water and let your thirst be quenched by the sustaining love of Christ.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 43:5