When I responded to my friend’s
post on Facebook, I was joking. She was trying to sell concert tickets she had
for a performance in Aspen, Colorado. She needed to sell them or find a date. “I’ll
be your date!” was my reply.
An hour later, she texted me. “Were
you serious…?
“I was tempted,” I responded. The
next thing I knew I was booking a flight to leave in a little over a week to go
to Aspen. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I told Gaile. “This is the most
spontaneous, un-grownup thing I have done since I was in my 20s. What am I
thinking?” But I did it. With my dear friend on the phone encouraging me, I
clicked the mouse on, “purchase tickets,” and it was done.
I am not a “fly by the seat of your pants” type person. I think things through, logically and prayerfully. I am
slow to respond and never make decisions on a dime. Woody learned years ago not
to surprise me, but to give me at least a week of advance notice if he wanted
to take me on a “surprise” trip. I need time to process things. I can’t just “pick
up and go.” Yet, today without thinking through all the scenarios and planning
everything out to the millisecond, I decided to take a trip half-way across the
continent without my kids trusting that they will be okay in my absence and not
making arrangements with friends to check in on them and micromanage every
moment of the three days I’ll be gone. I did not let fear hold me back.
And to be honest, that’s what it’s
all about. Being their only parent, I have been afraid to leave them since
Woody died. I have been too worried about, “What if something happens to me? I
can’t leave them alone. I can’t take any chances.” Everything—every decision in
the past two years and three months—has been primarily for them and with their
best interests in mind. This is the first thing I have done for me, and it is
slightly terrifying.
This is where trust comes in. God
has brought us this far, and I know He will continue to carry us. So, for the
first time in a very long time, I am doing something completely out of
character and am going to Aspen to spend a day listening to music with my best
friend. I’m going to trust that God will care for my kids, but more importantly
that He will care for me and bring me back home safely.
So…here’s to spontaneity and
friends that push you out of your comfort zone; and a God who’s bigger than my
fears.
