The Idols of My Heart

“Son of man, these men have set up idols in their hearts and have put sinful stumbling blocks before their faces. Should I be consulted by them at all?”—Ezekiel 14:3

I recently asked God to reveal the idols of my heart—a dangerous prayer to pray, I know. However, I realize that those idols are stumbling blocks which prohibit my growing intimacy with God. As usual, God responded quickly and I’m still not sure I like what He has revealed to me. This idol is one I never would have recognized without the Holy Spirit’s revelation. In fact, I was so comfortable with this idol I believed it was “holy unto the Lord.” And perhaps if I did not spend so much time and energy devoted to this idol it would be. The idol—which is really an idealization of sorts—is not sinful in and of itself. But my devotion to it—obsession really—is.

So, what is this idol? My children’s success.

Long before Woody’s death, I spent the majority of my time trying to ensure the success of my children, which is not wrong. However, over the years, my idea of how success is defined has become an idol. I never wanted my children to make the same mistakes I did. I held their purity up to the world as a badge of success. “Look at my kids,” I seemed to gloat. “They will not date until they are ready to marry. They will not engage in illegal activity or addictive behaviors. They will never get a divorce. They will marry their one true love who will also be a committed, unadulterated Christian. They will remain pure in all ways because we have raised them in a Christian home and have prayed with and over them. We have covered them in prayer, which will shield them from ALL sinful activity. My kids are perfect!” I could not see how self-righteous and boastful my behavior was. I tried to shield my children from engaging in a sinful world by controlling who their friends were and where we lived. I was such a pompous ____ (you can fill in the blank)! I am sickened by my sanctimonious behavior! What was I thinking?

Actually, I know what I was thinking. I was thinking sin is a set of behaviors not recognizing that it is a heart condition. I should have been more concerned about my kids’ hearts than their actions. Trust me, I thought I was because I thought I had the whole parenting thing down to a science. I had read every book on biblical parenting, had attended parenting seminars, and had read the Bible in its entirety several times. I had a relationship with God and had been redeemed from a life of sin. But I was legalistic and hypocritical. I did not understand God’s grace and mercy. I did not understand the doctrine of sin. I did not recognize how sinful my legalism and judgmental attitude were. I had set up an idol in my heart which I would never recognize until it was smashed to pieces.

My children have made every mistake I did and then some. Divorce? That is on the horizon. Illegal behavior? Yep, that too. Addictions? Adultery? Lies? You name it and we’ll claim it. The perfect life I had dreamed for my children’s future has been completely obliterated. The idol of my heart has been revealed and continues to crumble as I type these words. All that time and energy I spent trying to perfect behavior should have been spent devoted to my God and trusting Him with the hearts of my children.

Since Woody’s death, God has slowly been revealing the nature of my heart to me, and this idol is part of the refining process I have been in since May 10, 2015. Although I am sickened by what I see I am also thankful. I know when all the dross is burned away my life will be a reflection of who God is. Yes, it is painful. Nevertheless, I praise God for answering my prayers even when I do not like what is revealed.

Self-Righteous Modern Day Pharisees: A Rant of Sorts

“Once we recognize the universality of sin, we stop trying to convince ourselves that we are good people; we stop trying to compute who is better than whom; and we fall helplessly at the feet of a loving Savior who graciously gives hope meaning, purpose, and peace.” –Mark R. McMinn

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” –Jesus

How many of you have cast a stone today? I know a few, but out of respect, I will not name them. It is no wonder so many people turn away from the physical church. We are judgmental and self-righteous. We arrogantly quantify and qualify sin until we have alphabetically categorized it. Anger? Everyone can justify that, especially if someone wrongs you. A lie is okay as long as your intentions are good, right? And pride? It’s called self-confidence. And then everyone knows that sexual sin is the worst!

What has become of the church? What happened to the collectivistic nature of sin? When God was dealing with the Israelites, if a few sinned they all suffered. Doesn’t that say something about the responsibility we have to our fellow believers to rescue them from sinful behavior? We cannot rescue them from sin, but we can give them love and encouragement and stand beside them and help them fight the battles of temptation. And when they do sin, should we stand back in judgment, condemning them with our self-righteousness? No! Do we let rage fill our hearts even if the person’s sin has wounded us deeply? No! Or are you the only person who has never harmed another human being through your actions? If so, then I guess you have the right to your anger and condemnation. However, the only person who truly never harmed another human being died to save us from condemnation. I doubt you are holier than that.

People, when will you realize that your self-righteousness is turning people away from a loving, forgiving God who sees us all the same? Benedict of Nursia stated it best in his seventh step of humility: “The seventh step of humility is when we declare with our tongue and believe in our inmost soul that we are the lowliest and vilest of all, humbling ourselves and saying with the Psalmist, ‘But I am a worm, and I am the reproach of all, the outcast of the people.’” That means all of us! You are no better than the murderer, the child abuser, the pedophile, the thief. God is holy and you are not. You can never live up to His standard. You will always fall short, which means you are condemned no matter what you do. However, God sent His son to save us from our sinful condition. And your self-righteousness is repelling the very people Jesus came to save.

My oldest son did something most will find vile, including me. However, I know I am just as vile because I am a sinner. At the time he needs the church the most, it has abandoned him because of the nature of his sin. Now, more than ever he is sick and needs the great Physician to heal his brokenness. Yet the people whom God works through have turned their backs on him. The very people who said, “We will always love you and be here for you,” left as soon as it got too hard and ugly. Sin is ugly—yours as well as mine—none of it is pretty. Jesus lived in our filth after knowing the glory of heaven. You don’t think that was difficult? But He knew He was here to heal the sick and broken. He didn’t sit in the synagogue and say, “Oh, I’ll pray for you,” or “Oh, I’ll send money or goods to those in need.” No, he rolled up his sleeves and loved in very practical ways. He did not abandon us.

I know we will live with this the rest of our lives, and I also know God is working through it. I know there are people who have never experienced the full revelation of grace and therefore, cannot give it. However, watch out. You will reach a point in life when you will need the grace you are not willing to give. Just know, I will still give it to you and so will God.