“Son of man, these men have set up idols in their hearts and have put
sinful stumbling blocks before their faces. Should I be consulted by them at
all?”—Ezekiel 14:3
I recently asked God to reveal
the idols of my heart—a dangerous prayer to pray, I know. However, I realize
that those idols are stumbling blocks which prohibit my growing intimacy with
God. As usual, God responded quickly and I’m still not sure I like what He has
revealed to me. This idol is one I never would have recognized without the Holy
Spirit’s revelation. In fact, I was so comfortable with this idol I believed it
was “holy unto the Lord.” And perhaps if I did not spend so much time and
energy devoted to this idol it would be. The idol—which is really an
idealization of sorts—is not sinful in and of itself. But my devotion to it—obsession
really—is.
So, what is this idol? My
children’s success.
Long before Woody’s death, I
spent the majority of my time trying to ensure the success of my children,
which is not wrong. However, over the years, my idea of how success is defined
has become an idol. I never wanted my children to make the same mistakes I did.
I held their purity up to the world as a badge of success. “Look at my kids,” I
seemed to gloat. “They will not date until they are ready to marry. They will
not engage in illegal activity or addictive behaviors. They will never get a divorce. They will marry
their one true love who will also be a committed, unadulterated Christian. They
will remain pure in all ways because we have raised them in a Christian home
and have prayed with and over them. We have covered them in prayer, which will
shield them from ALL sinful activity.
My kids are perfect!” I could not see how self-righteous and boastful my behavior
was. I tried to shield my children from engaging in a sinful world by
controlling who their friends were and where we lived. I was such a pompous ____
(you can fill in the blank)! I am sickened by my sanctimonious behavior! What
was I thinking?
Actually, I know what I was
thinking. I was thinking sin is a set of behaviors not recognizing that it is a
heart condition. I should have been more concerned about my kids’ hearts than
their actions. Trust me, I thought I was because I thought I had the whole
parenting thing down to a science. I had read every book on biblical parenting,
had attended parenting seminars, and had read the Bible in its entirety several
times. I had a relationship with God and had been redeemed from a life of sin.
But I was legalistic and hypocritical. I did not understand God’s grace and
mercy. I did not understand the doctrine of sin. I did not recognize how sinful
my legalism and judgmental attitude were. I had set up an idol in my heart which
I would never recognize until it was smashed to pieces.
My children have made every
mistake I did and then some. Divorce? That is on the horizon. Illegal behavior?
Yep, that too. Addictions? Adultery? Lies? You name it and we’ll claim it. The
perfect life I had dreamed for my children’s future has been completely
obliterated. The idol of my heart has been revealed and continues to crumble as
I type these words. All that time and energy I spent trying to perfect behavior
should have been spent devoted to my God and trusting Him with the hearts of my
children.
Since Woody’s death, God has
slowly been revealing the nature of my heart to me, and this idol is part of
the refining process I have been in since May 10, 2015. Although I am sickened
by what I see I am also thankful. I know when all the dross is burned away my
life will be a reflection of who God is. Yes, it is painful. Nevertheless, I
praise God for answering my prayers even when I do not like what is revealed.
