Motherhood
is a privilege, so they say; but what about those days when it feels like
bondage riddled with psychological torture? If you are a mother and you are
honest, you have had one of those days. They sneak up on you like a ninja when
all seems to be rolling along peacefully. “I’ve got this!” you think, patting
yourself on the back for good measure; and then Wham! You find yourself face
down on the floor with tire marks stretching the length of your backside from
the truck that just ran you over. “You’ve got what?” the driver shouts back at
you. Yes, one of those days.
I love being a mother; however, I swear that most days
motherhood doesn’t love me. “Okay, God, remind me again what I was supposed to
learn from that?” I find myself asking for the 32nd time of the day; and it’s
only 10:00 a.m. What is the purpose?
If I have learned nothing else from parenting, I have learned
that I am completely incapable of doing it on my own. I do not have the power
or patience to pull it off. I may be full of love, but sometimes the
frustration of three young people who refer to me as “mom” and who have very
opinionated personalities and lives full of “problems,” leaves me banging my
head up against the kitchen wall wondering what in the world am I supposed to
do with that! “How in the world did you shoot yourself in the mouth with your
airsoft gun?” is not a question any mother should have to ask of her twelve
year old son. But I have. “What were you doing that you rear-ended the man in
front of you?” also not a question you want to ask your seventeen year old son,
but I have. As a mother of multiple children, I find myself investigating crime
scenes and mending broken items (from wrecked cars to relationships) several
times a day. And I am thoroughly convinced every step of the way that I am not
equipped for the job God has called me to do.
Or am I? Most days I may be convinced that I am pretty
hopeless at this whole parenting thing, but then I am reminded of the fact that
I am not alone. God has promised to be with me every step of the way. Psalm 73
states that He is holding my hand, guiding me when I am “senseless and
ignorant” (verse 22-24). In Philippians 4:13 I am told that “I can do
everything through him who gives me strength” (NIV). And somehow, after the
truck has bulldozed me over, I am able to stand up and try again. Somehow, the
trauma and drama that unfolds in our household day after day is resolved and
lessons have been learned. Believe it or not, we are becoming better people,
more compassionate, less judgmental. We are learning that success comes through
surrender. What is the purpose? Learning to trust in the Power of God. I am not
equipped, but I am living for the ultimate equipper.
Motherhood may be the most difficult thing I have ever
experienced in my life, and not every moment feels like a blessing. But I know
that ten years from now when my children have moved from adolescence to
adulthood, I will look back at this time and know with complete certainty that
every day was a privilege and they were ultimately my purpose.
