Shocked, mortified, bewildered doesn't even begin to encompass all I am feeling right now. And I didn't even take a direct hit. My husband absorbed the impact of the news we received this morning. His ego, any shred of confidence he had, has been blown to bits. He is the type of man who takes his responsibility as a husband and father quite seriously. He will protect and provide, but at this moment I know he is questioning how he will continue to do so.
What is my role? What do I say? I am just as blown away as he is. I am on my knees begging for answers and the silence is deafening. However, my faith is not shaken. I am looking into the future expectantly, wondering what God will do. How will we grow from this? What will we gain? Those are the questions running through my mind searching for a place to settle. As shocked as we were by the news we received, God was not. He has a game plan ready to be played. We need merely to keep our eyes focused on the way which He has prepared for us.
It doesn't mean the pain is any less searing, nor does it mean we will not doubt the way; yet I know without a doubt we will come out ahead. God always has a better plan.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
It is tough to see when the shock is blinding the way, but you are absolutely right that God will use this experience to grow you both in a way you didn't even realize you had room to grow. You know the back story, but by time I was in the delivery room, waiting to meet little Miss Faith, and hoping to hold her for just a moment before she was guaranteed to be whisked away by the NICU personnel, maybe never to be brought back, I felt such peace and calm because God had put it on my soul that he would use this...no matter how joyful or painful...to grow my faith, deepen my bond and expound on my understanding of what his love is all about. And glory to God he was able to do all of that and still let me keep my beautiful baby girl. God is good and he will pull you both through. He never promised it would be easy...just hang in there and support each other through this storm.
ReplyDeleteIt is because of stories like yours and Faith's and all of our own experiences in which God has shown up to be bigger than our circumstances that we can look into the future with hope. Love you
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