While researching the topic of sexuality and empowerment, I was shocked by what many highly educated experts have to say.  I have come to the realization that just because you have a PhD in psychology does not necessarily mean your opinions are correct.  Our society has moved so far away from the truth that it is frightening.  There is definitely a very liberal agenda being pushed through our educational system.

 

Most “authorities” on the subject of a woman’s sexuality all agree that a woman should listen to her “vagina.”  If she wants to explore her sexuality, she should do so with whomever she happens to be emotionally and spiritually drawn to at the moment.  The impression is that this willingness to be completely aware of one’s own sexuality and to be able to act upon it empowers one in a way nothing else will.   Miki Kashtan, Ph.D., in an article titled “Sex, Vulnerability, and Power,”[1] put it this way:

 “I saw and felt that sexual attraction was essentially a willingness to expose a certain vulnerability to a person. In that sense, I saw attraction as a deep choice rather than a thing that happens. I had an inkling that on some level perhaps any person could be sexual with any other person, if that choice and opening become possible. Recognizing the choice, I decided to exercise it, and noticed myself opening up to the possibility with that woman. I don't remember ever before or since being so fully aware of choice, and therefore power, in the experiences of sharing sexually with anyone.”

In a moment full of sexual tension, Dr. Kashtan felt empowered because she “chose” to give in to those feelings.  How is that empowering?  I may be wrong, but how is what I conceive to be a lack of self-control demonstrating one’s power? As a woman, I find it offensive that practicing my choice to be sexually active with whomever I choose is the act one considers to empower me.  And this coming from a fellow female!  Just because you feel sexually aroused does not necessarily mean you should act upon those feelings.  Giving in to our carnal desires is not demonstrating discipline.  Discipline practiced in a life is what empowers someone.  Learning to control our primal urges is invigorating.  If one were to follow Dr. Kashtan’s advice, she would soon find herself feeling powerless.  Choosing to share sexually with someone is not the same thing as having control. 

This logic could lead to a valid argument for pedophiles.  “But a child does not have a choice,” you may counter.  Yet, a 14 year old girl can make the decision to have a sexual relationship with a 50 year old man.  Does that mean we should accept the relationship because both have chosen to share sexually?  Of course not!  Although the 14 year old may make the conscious decision to be in such a relationship, most would agree that the man would be taking advantage of someone who has yet to discover who she is.  This is not a relationship of equals. 

However, is any physical relationship before marriage truly about equality?  Usually, one is more emotionally committed than the other.  There is a duplicity that exists when two single people choose to engage in sexual activity.  Therefore, one is always at a disadvantage, just as in the aforementioned case.  Sex within marriage places two individuals on equal ground.  Protection is built into the wedding vows and the laws of our country.

Premarital sex does not empower, yet it may very well enslave you.  Self-indulgence does not equal control.  Choose to live a disciplined life rather than a life bowed to desire.

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[1] http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/acquired-spontaneity/201312/sex-vulnerability-and-power, Acquired Spontaneity, Miki Kashtan, Ph.D., December 6, 2013