A question was brought up concerning my last post.  Before I continue my conversation about purity and why it is so important for young people, I need to address the question.  If it was asked by one, it may very well have been thought by many.  The question posed was, “The assumption would be that you and Woody are incapable of having a truly intimate relationship because of the poor choices you (and/or he) made when you were younger.  As if you are somehow destined to live in an inferior relationship for the rest of your life because of those choices you/he made when you were far too young to understand the consequences.  I think sometimes a deeper intimacy can be formed because of the trials a person has been through….Is that the best way to get intimacy?  Maybe not, but isn’t it a more realistic picture of intimacy in today’s world?”

I will first address whether Woody and I were doomed to an inferior relationship.  In reality?  Yes, we were.  Our marriage was on a collision course.  We struggled to have even physical intimacy, let alone spiritual or emotional.  Our pasts threatened to devastate anything positive that might have come from our union.  We had a considerable obstacle standing in the way blocking the road which led to intimacy.  I had entered into our marriage with a duffel bag full of sexual sin slung over my shoulder.  “I hope you don’t mind if I bring a few extra guests into our marriage.  They won’t bother us too much.  I’ll only have to wrestle down those memories occasionally.  Oh, I see you have a bag, too.”  There we were, trying to bury two sizable duffels full of memories which threatened to come between us at any moment.  Many of us do the same thing.  We arrive at the altar with a suitcase either openly displayed or hidden under the bridal gown, and then we lug it into our relationships trying to keep it from popping open.  And we wonder why we struggle with intimacy?  We are incapable of standing before each other exposed and unashamed.

Before Woody and I could stand before each other completely naked in every sense of the word without shame, we had to face our guilt and let God remove our sins.  This was a long, painful process.  Yes, we were doomed, as all sinners are, but God covered our shame with His righteousness and restored our marriage.  He rescued our relationship as only He could do.  We stand before Him and before each other as new creatures.  Our union has been strengthened by a bond secured by our Savior. 

Our way was not the best way to acquire intimacy, and many who have traveled the same road never end up reaching the same destination.  Many cannot move past the road blocks, not by God’s will, but by their own.  God can and will remove anyone’s shame; however, He cannot make a move until you allow Him to do so.

Is this a more realistic picture of intimacy in today’s world?  I do not believe so, nor do I believe it has to be.  A realistic picture of intimacy in today’s world defines intimacy as sex, when in reality intimacy has nothing to do with sex.  Even sex defined by our culture is not an intimate act as designed by God.  We have taken what should be the most loving, intimate act and turned it into a form of entertainment.  How did we get to the point where we can use “casual” and “sex” in the same sentence, let alone use casual as an adjective to describe sex?  If you look in a thesaurus, one of the antonyms listed for the word “casual” is “designed.”  Casual sex is the exact opposite of what God designed! 

I addressed young people yesterday because I know there is a better way to achieve intimacy.  It is a whole lot easier to enter into union whole than it is to repair years of brokenness.  You have the opportunity to enter into a covenant relationship full of promise rather than one fragmented by the past.  Isn’t that the best way to attain intimacy?