I want to continue my
conversation with young women about purity.
Over the years, I have had the
pleasure of serving middle school students in our church. Often I have posed the question, “What is
purity?” The most common answer I have received to this question is not to have
sex before marriage. This is only partly
right. What about everything that can occur between holding hands and intercourse?
First, let us take a look at the
literal definition of the word. The
dictionary defines purity as “freedom from adulterating matter; cleanness or
clearness; freedom from evil or sin; innocence; chastity”[1] Since chastity is mentioned in the
definition, I feel it is also important to define this word. Chastity is “virtuousness; sexual abstinence;
celibacy; decency or modesty.”[2] Both of these words are associated with moral
excellence and being undefiled. It is
vital that we understand this virtue in order to experience boundless intimacy
within marriage and with God. We have to
get this right!
When I think of pure as an
adjective, the first thing that comes to mind is pure love. I can honestly say my love for God is
pure. As a mother, I also think about
the love I have for my children. There
is something amazingly perfect about holding an infant upon your chest while he
or she sleeps and listening to the gentle breathing and gazing upon the pouty
lips and upturned nose. This type of
love is not clouded with ulterior motives or selfishness. 1 Corinthians 13, in the Bible is often
referred to as the “love chapter.” In it
we are told that love is patient, kind, without jealousy, humble, without
boasting, considerate, not easily angered, forgiving, truthful, protecting,
trusting, and never failing. Did you
notice that not one sexual reference is included in that description? In fact, you would not dare have a sensual
thought about an infant or toddler! That
would be perverted; it is absolutely unthinkable! How could there be anything pure about
that? Ah! Now we are getting somewhere. How is even having a sexual thought
synonymous with pure love? It’s not.
Purity is not a physical
condition. It is a state of mind. Lusting is not pure! We know the power of the
mind can do some amazing things; but on the other hand, it can also wreak havoc
in a life. Thus purity has to start in a
place where no one else can see, a place where it is easy to hide our desires
and dreams. We fantasize and never even
realize how it is slowly stealing something very precious from us. Many times a girl loses her virginity before
she even crawls into bed with someone.
I have spoken to more than one young lady who thinks passionately kissing a young man with her body pressed against
his was okay. After all, she was
physically pure, and never in a million years would she have sex without being
married. I have always asked the young
woman in question, “What were you thinking while you were making out? More importantly, what do you think he was
thinking?” I can guarantee you he wasn’t
thinking about how smart she was or what a pretty smile she had. No, on the contrary! Do you want a boy mentally undressing you and
having sex with you during what you believe is an innocent romp? Being the
mother of two teenage boys I can assure you that when a young lady is pressed
against a young man, he is aware of every curve of her body and it does arouse
him. Is that fair to either one of
you? Are you remaining pure? Are you allowing him to maintain his purity?
Your purity is a precious,
beautiful gift to bestow upon your husband.
When you get to the altar and pledge your devotion to the love of your
life, how much of your purity do you want to give? How much do you want to receive? Protect this gem at all costs, and remember
the battle begins in the mind.
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