Fear of being hurt has prevented me from loving many people in my life. When I became united in marriage with another person, I believed that this fear would magically disappear. I erroneously believed that all the barriers I had constructed around my heart would come crashing down with those two simple words, "I do." However, the fortress was impenetrable. I soon found myself feeling alone and miserable inside the prison I had constructed around my heart.
Then I became a Christian. "Perhaps now I will know intimacy." And I threw myself wholeheartedly into a relationship with God, feeling that He alone would fill the void. I soon discovered that although I no longer felt alone, I still sensed an emptiness--a need for companionship which could not be satisfied through my faith.
Intimacy is impossible to achieve in God alone. When God created man, he immediately
recognized that “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”[1] God knew this because He had created man with
the desire to be with someone of the opposite sex. Although Adam had been in
perfect communion with God, he had still longed for human companionship. After God created Eve, Adam’s longing was
completely satisfied.
When I became a
Christian, I was convinced that God would complete me, therefore, companionship
was unnecessary. However, a
relationship with the opposite sex was created in our being. It was not until after God created them male
and female that He made the observation that all was perfect. It was not until the fall of man that this
desire was distorted and morphed into something quite different than what God
designed. Now, in our sinful state that
longing has been replaced or is nonexistent.
I had been searching for fulfillment in God alone, not realizing He had
designed me to find complete joy in my marriage.
My faith brought me to the realization that my fear was preventing me from loving wholly. God blasted through the barricade and revealed to me how fulfilling marriage can be. Without Him, I would never have bothered to search beyond my faith for intimacy in my relationship with my husband.
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