Encourage More

Driving home this morning, I found myself behind a rather grimy semi. On the back of the trailer, someone had written in the dirt, “Encourage more.”  “What a lovely thought,” I said to myself; but then I started thinking about it. When was the last time I encouraged someone? Whom did I encourage? I wasn’t quite as fond of my answers as I thought I would be. I realized that the majority of the encouragement I provide is given to those who are not within my own family. Next on the list are my children. And who is last? Woody, the man to whom I vowed to cherish and honor. The person who should be first.

I know how hard it is sometimes to say something kind and inspiring to your spouse. Usually, when you do find time during the day to exchange ideas, your conversation is full of details—kids’ schedules, work, meal plans, bills, and a thousand other particulars. We are so preoccupied with keeping everything running smoothly that we fail to see that disregarding the most important detail—your spouse—can derail the whole train.  How hard is it to squeeze in a few words of encouragement along with all the information that a couple must share during the course of a day?

“I love the way you provide for our family. You are so helpful. You are such an honorable man. Thank you for being a godly example for our children.” These are only a few phrases that might encourage your partner in life and love. Make a list of positive phrases you might say to your spouse; and the next time you speak, throw one in. I have made my list and am ready to use it. 

Encourage more.  And to think that a dirty semi could teach me a life lesson.

A Sun and Shield

The Christmas decorations are stored safely away, with a little extra padding this year in anticipation of our upcoming move. My mother and father-in-law, who have been with us since before Christmas, have the car packed up with their sweet dog, Darby, and will be heading back to the Midwest within the hour. And that is when the grueling work begins as I begin organizing closets and cleaning baseboards in preparation of listing our house by February 1.

Although my life feels completely chaotic, I keep sitting in one verse that comforts me with its promises: "The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11. Every time I meditate upon that verse, I am reminded of what we receive from the sun--light in the darkness, warmth in the cold, energy and sustenance. Without the sun, life on earth would cease to exist. Doctors and nutritionists recommend that a person spend at least 15 minutes a day in the sun for vitamin D production. That is what our God provides, light, warmth, energy, sustenance, life! And all I have to do is spend a little time with him daily and absorb His radiant heat. He is my shield. He will protect me! And He will not withhold His goodness from me. Resting in this verse has provided more comfort than I can explain. Although it feels as if I am drowning in a sea of unknowns, I am being held tightly in loving arms that will never let me go.

I know that in the coming months my faith will falter, my resolve will fail; however, my God will never disappoint. He will hold me continually, even when panic sets in and I begin to flail. My sun will light the way, warm my heart, and provide the power needed to survive and thrive through another day.

Self-Destructing, Part 1

During the 1990s and into the start of the second millennium, Mel Gibson was a household name and a guaranteed box office draw. Even though he had had a history of alcoholism, Gibson seemed to have overcome his addiction through his faith in Christ. In 2004, his biggest film to date was released, “The Passion of Christ.” This film was co-written, co-produced, and directed by Gibson and was the highest grossing R-rated film in the U.S., earning over $370 million. Gibson stated in more than one interview that the reason he brought the execution of Christ to theaters was because during his recovery from alcoholism and depression, he had focused on the passion of Christ to find healing and hope. We collectively held our breaths to see what great thing this man (who seemed to love God) might do next.

And then the shoe dropped. In 2006, Gibson was arrested on DUI charges and spewed expletives and anti-Semitic remarks at the arresting officer. In 2009, photos were released of Gibson and a well-known female pianist who was not his wife caressing on a beach. This was shortly followed by his wife filing for a divorce and winning an estimated $425 million in a very expensive settlement. Things seemed to go from bad to worse, as his girlfriend gave birth to a child and charged him with domestic assault and filed a restraining order against Gibson. He has been disgraced in the media and rejected by Hollywood; and I, for one, am wondering, “What happened?” How does someone who seemed to be on fire for God, who was a significant player in creating such an incredibly moving movie such as “The Passion of Christ” completely self-destruct?

Asa became king of Judah upon the death of his father in 910 B.C. The first decade of his reign was spent in social reform and military expansion. He fortified the cities of Judah and experienced a time of peace. He had an army of 300,000 from Judah equipped with shields and spears; and 280,000 archers from Benjamin also stood ready for action. However, this army of brave men was small in comparison to the Ethiopian army which attacked Judah ten years after Asa took the throne. Zerah the Ethiopian led a military force consisting of a million men and three hundred chariots. It was undeniably superior to Judah’s. Yet, Asa was an honorable man who did right in the eyes of the Lord. He called out to the Lord his God, realizing that such a multitude of armed men was nothing for God. God struck the Ethiopians and gave Judah the victory. It was truly a “David and Goliath” moment. Asa was blessed by God’s spirit upon him and in the fifteenth year of his reign, rededicated the kingdom to God. He required all the people to take an oath to seek God with all their heart and soul. Twenty more years of peace followed. Asa’s kingdom flourished and so did he, and all the people collectively held their breaths to see what great thing this man who truly loved God might do next.

And then peace was threatened once again by Israel—a small army compared to the Ethiopians; however, there was the king of Israel on the threshold of Judah aggressively taking action against their nation. Asa misappropriated funds from the temple and from his own treasury and sent them on to Syria in an attempt to bribe the Syrian king to align with Judah rather than Israel. He wanted to strike a treaty with a nation which was clearly an enemy. It worked. Israel backed off. Yet, Syria escaped and would grow to be a thorn in Judah’s side in the future. God sent Hanani the seer to Asa to let him know the grave mistake he had made; but instead of humbling himself and confessing his sin, Asa’s heart had grown hard. He had Hanani placed in prison and oppressed those who dared to agree with God. Sometime later Asa became diseased in his feet, but rather than turning to God, he once again turned to man. He died shortly thereafter stubborn and far from reaching his full potential. Yet again I find myself wondering, “What happened?”  How does a life so full of promise fall short of God’s purpose? How do individuals so zealous for God and His work end up walking away with hardened hearts?

It happens time and time again—Gibson and Asa are only two instances of lives gone wrong. King Solomon has to be the most puzzling example. He was the wisest man to ever live, and because Solomon had requested wisdom from God rather than riches, God made him incredibly wealthy too. Under Solomon’s rule, Israel reached the peak of her power and expanded from the Euphrates river in the north to Egypt in the south—the largest it had ever been.  Solomon was a writer, architect, and advisor.  He composed 3,000 proverbs. He built the Holy Temple. He advised the Queen of Sheba. The splendor of his palace was incomparable. His throne was inlaid with ivory and overlaid with gold. There were six steps leading up to the throne seat and a lion stood on each side of the six steps. Lions also flanked both armrests. Nothing like it had ever been created. Unfortunately, Solomon had many (and many is really an understatement) foreign wives who led him astray. He began to follow their pagan gods going as far as building a high place of worship for the Moab and Ammonite gods. Adversaries were raised up against Israel. Solomon was warned that his kingdom would be taken from his son. Only for David’s sake would Rehoboam, Solomon’s son, be allowed to continue ruling one of the twelve tribes of Israel. A man, who had literally had the world at his fingertips, lost it all and died far from God. Again, why? How could someone so blessed with God’s favor, who knew God so intimately, be led away by the temporal pleasures of this world? However, the question that should  be asked is, if someone who communicated with God so personally and who probably had a better understanding of who God really is can be led awry, what will keep me from going off course? How can I finish strong and prevent my life from self-destructing?

A Virtuous Wife?

I must have emerged from the womb throwing punches with a grudge the size of Texas on my shoulders. I am stubborn, selfish, controlling, confrontational, and do not like to admit when I am wrong. I like it even less when Woody tells me I’m wrong. I am definitely not what God had in mind when detailing the “Virtuous Wife” in Proverbs 31. In fact, I’m pretty sure I was the antithesis. I cannot even begin to explain the frustration that used to well up in me when confronted with this passage.  Had I been appointed editor, I am quite confident that Proverbs 31:10-31 would have been omitted from the Bible. Yet, God knew better.

Don’t get me wrong. I do want to be a virtuous wife. I desire to be a woman whom my husband can trust to bring him good, and who will open her mouth with wisdom. Unfortunately, sometimes when I open my mouth to speak, words fly out like little arrows searching for their next victim, wounding the heart and leaving scars. And sometimes it’s just easier to bring evil rather than good.

Why do I struggle so much in this area? Is it because I have never seen unselfish love in the flesh modeled? Is it because I do not trust Woody to always do me good? I have been hurt by him repeatedly, and truth be told, I do not trust him. So, am I justified in my egoism? No.

God loves me unselfishly. He is my example. God is my protection. He is whom I trust. Psalm 84:11 states, “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” As long as I am following God, He will protect me. He will not allow harm to come my way. You see, it is not a matter of trusting Woody to be perfect and never say or do anything to cause me pain; it is a matter of trusting God to protect me from Woody’s mistakes.

I am definitely a work in progress. Yet, God is slowly transforming me. I am learning to submit to His will. I am surrendering control. I am biting my tongue. I am yielding to a God who knows me intimately and realizes just how hard it is for me to let go of the grudge I have held for most of my life.  He gives grace and glory.  And as I am changed, my marriage is blessed. Intimacy is restored. The foundation is repaired. Soon, I know, that woman in Proverbs 31 will not be such an unobtainable goal. You see, God has started the makeover. He will transform me into the “Virtuous Wife.” I may have entered the world fighting, but I will go out of it quietly.

My Book

There is still time to order my book in time for Christmas.

http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Intimacy-Marriage-Spiritual-Emotional/dp/1939761247/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1419343560&sr=1-1&keywords=finding+intimacy+in+marriage

Stretched But Not Distorted

The holiday season is upon us, and I for one feel as if I am drowning in a sea of presents which still need to be purchased and cookies which still need to be baked. The house is in disarray and there is a list of tasks which need to be completed so that we can put our house on the market in preparation of moving to another state. We will have house guests for two weeks over Christmas, and the guest room is full of wrapped and unwrapped presents, ribbons, and bows. Throw in one absentee husband and three teenagers and “Presto!”—the perfect recipe for a migraine. Novartis, I will be investing in your company this year. If nothing else, I am doing my fair share to keep your company afloat as I procure as many bottles of Excedrin Migraine as I can safely consume. 

I feel as if I am a rubber band which has reached its elastic limit. Hooke’s law states that when an object is acted upon by a force, it will bend, stretch, or compress.  Once the force is removed, the object will return to its original shape. Elastic will stretch until it has reached its limit. Beyond that, it will be deformed and never return to its original shape. Yes. That is exactly how I feel right now. Stretched and on the brink of being buckled into an unrecognizable version of myself. Yet somehow, another day passes and my sanity is intact. My children are alive. My husband still loves me. How? God.

Without my faith I would flounder. It is my foundation and my strength. It is my sanity and my substance. Instead of panic, I know peace. Also, there is an interesting phenomenon that occurs when a rubber band is stretched—the molecules (polymers) in the rubber become aligned. They themselves are under no stress whatsoever. When the rubber band is at rest, the molecules are tangled with no real order. I am being stretched, but at the same time, my life is becoming aligned with God’s will as I learn to rely on Him during these uncertain, chaotic times.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, as long as you remember that being stretched can bring order and develop strength. And God will never allow you to be stretched beyond your elastic limit.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

Get Up!

“Get up!” Saul was on the road to Damascus when he met Jesus. Lying face down on the ground, Jesus commanded him to get up and go. Saul did as he was instructed and his life was transformed. When we rise from our circumstances, God can move in our lives. However, we have to get up first.

“Get up!” I hear that imperative once more and I cringe. I don’t want to get up, and I certainly don’t want to move. I finally feel as if our family has established some roots, and now we have to rip them up and endure another transplant. I want to dig down deeper, stuff dirt in my ears, and pretend that command was meant for someone else.

“Get up!” I drag my feet. I’m tired. I whimper a little more. My two-year old, temper-tantrum throwing alter ego is revealing her disagreeable self. And yet, God demonstrates infinite patience. He waits while I whine. He comforts through my complaints.

“Get up!”  We grow comfortable, fall asleep, become paralyzed by our fears, and immobilized by our sins. We need to stand up and get going. So, like it or not, I will get up and go. I will let God move my family and wait while He once again moves in my life.