Almost every teenage girl has dreamed of the day that she
will meet the man of her dreams. Soon afterwards, he will realize that she is
the only woman he could ever love, and as he descends to one knee, he will
reach into his side coat pocket and expose a black velvet ring box. “Will you
marry me?” The answer is always “Yes!” and they live happily ever after. Or do they?
Growing up on fairy tales and Barbie movies, every little
girl has believed in the “happily ever after” scenario at some point in her
life. However, reality is no fairy tale and the castles usually crumble shortly
after the “I do’s” are whispered and the first dispute arises revealing that
you are not married to Prince Charming. Instead you feel as if you kissed your
prince and he turned into a toad. Then
children arrive on the scene and the fantasy falls apart. So much for happily
ever after.
Marriage is difficult. It requires work and dedication. It
is not for the weak. We need to enter into the covenant relationship of
marriage with as little baggage as possible. Starting off with a past full of
sexual sin and emotional attachments can doom a marriage before the vows are
even spoken. You will not have a problem-free marriage; however, you can make decisions
now that will improve and strengthen the intimacy you will have with your
future husband. Marriage is difficult, but you can make it easier. Choosing a
life guided by the principles of purity will increase the odds of your marriage
not only surviving but also thriving.
In our backyard we have fruit trees and grape vines. Waiting
for the fruit to ripen on the branch or the vine is difficult during the late
days of summer and early days of fall. However, the tartness of a not quite
ripe grape is usually enough to keep me from picking the fruit before its time.
I cannot tell you how many times I have gazed longingly upon a plum-colored
grape, bursting with juice and thought, “Now it’s time,” and picked it, only to
spit it out in disgust because it just wasn’t ready to be harvested. We manage
to do the same thing with sex. There it is, hanging on the vine, just ready to
be plucked off and enjoyed. Our greedy fingers grab hold of it, consume it, and
then spew it onto the ground, ruining the sweetness of what we might have known
had we only waited. Do you want to rob yourself of the sweetness that comes
from the rush of that first kiss or the nerve-tingling excitement of the first
embrace? Physical intimacy before marriage deprives you of the ultimate pleasure
of that first bite.
God wants us to enjoy the intimacies of sex within the
protective walls of a covenant relationship. Instead, our society has traded
the perfect for the passing pleasure of the moment, and we are suffering the
consequences. Sex binds people in a way that nothing else can, and it also has
the power to break people when it is abused. That is why God is so clear about
sexual immorality and marriage. There are no gray areas. This is not one of
those “disputable” matters. God has a plan, and the purpose of that plan is to
protect marriages and His covenant relationship with believers.
What is God’s plan
for physical intimacy?
When God created
Adam, he created in Adam’s being a need for human companionship. Read Genesis
2:15-24. In verse 20, what did Adam realize?
Although surrounded by creatures of every kind, Adam was
lonely. He had no one of equal status to share his newfound discoveries. God
knew this would happen. He had placed within Adam a longing for
companionship—the foundation of all relationships. God caused Adam to fall into
a deep sleep, took one of his ribs, and formed a stunning woman from the same
materials He had used to make Adam. Adam took one look at Eve and said, “Ah,
flesh of my flesh! She will be called woman.” And as they consummated their
relationship, they became one. They were married—no ceremony, no license; just
God’s blessing. The physical act is what established the union of marriage.
What does the Bible say in Genesis 2:24?
I think you know what “one flesh” means. Did you realize
that in God’s eyes, sex equals marriage? Let’s take a look at another biblical
couple. If you fast forward through the book of Genesis to chapter twenty-four,
you will read the story of Isaac and Rebekah. Isaac was Abraham’s son, the fulfillment
of God’s promise. Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac. When the
servant returned to Canaan with Rebekah, Isaac was out in the field meditating.
At the same time Isaac saw the servant approaching with the lovely Rebekah,
Rebekah noticed him and made inquiries. When she discovered it was her husband
to be, she covered herself with her veil (a sign of her virginity). Isaac made
his way to the small group and was informed of all that had occurred. This
maiden was to be his wife. What happened then? Did they have a time of
courtship while planning a lavish wedding? No, because in that time period a
ceremony did not constitute marriage. Genesis 24:67 tells us “And Isaac brought
her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife.”
That was it! When a man had sexual relations with a woman, he entered into a
binding, covenant relationship that could not be undone. This is the union that
makes us one. Sex is marriage.
Read Exodus 22:16 and Deuteronomy 22:28-29. Did men have the option of having casual sex
with unmarried women?
Now read 2 Samuel 13:1-20.
This is the story of Tamar, a beautiful daughter of King David. Her
half-brother, Amnon lusted after her to the point he thought it was love. What
does Tamar say to Amnon in verse 16 after he has violated her?
Tamar knew that she would no longer be eligible for
marriage. Her virginity had been defiled. She was a ruined woman. How does this
compare to today’s view of a woman who has had sex before marriage?
How did we get to a point where we can use “casual” and
“sex” in the same sentence, let alone use casual as an adjective to describe
sex? If you look in a thesaurus, one of the antonyms listed for the word
“casual” is “designed.” Casual sex is the exact opposite of what God
designed!
God’s plan for any type of physical intimacy includes guard
rails to keep your life on the right path. The covenant relationship of
marriage provides the protection you need. You have been entrusted with a
treasure that once given away cannot easily be recovered. Your purity is
priceless.
How will choosing
purity impact my future?
If marriage is part of your future plans, then how you live
right now determines how much intimacy you will have with your future husband.
You are building the foundation right now. When you finally meet the man you
desire to spend the rest of your life with, you will promise to love, cherish
and honor one another until death do you part. This is a covenant relationship.
Look up the word “covenant” in the dictionary.
Write the definition.
A covenant is a binding agreement. It literally means “a coming together.” Think
of it as super glue. If you glue paper together and let the adhesive dry, you
have created one thick piece of paper. You cannot make it two again without
causing damage to the individual pieces. The paper is ruined if you try to tear
it apart. That word picture should help you to better understand what God had
in mind when He said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and the two will become on flesh. So they are no longer
two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one
separate” (Matthew 19:5-6).
Can you join together with someone emotionally or physically
and break away from that intimate relationship without being damaged? Explain
your answer.
When two pieces of paper have been joined together, it is
impossible to tear them apart without leaving small remnants of each piece
behind on the other piece. When you make emotional and physical attachments,
you cannot break off a relationship without leaving a part of you behind. How
much of “you” do you want to offer to your husband? How much of your husband do
you want him to offer you? Think about that question for a moment and then
answer it honestly.
Those leftover pieces have a way of popping up at the most
inconvenient times. They have a nasty
habit of developing into full grown road blocks that obstruct the path which
leads to intimacy in marriage. Only you
have the power to choose a lifestyle right now which will keep your course
clear.
I realize that the society in which you live bombards you
daily with hyper-sexualized images. The world’s standards are nonexistent when
it comes to purity. “You only live once!” You have been taught to expect
instant gratification. Why wait when you can have it all now? The “live in the
moment” mindset dominates the decision making process of generations y and
z. However, you must realize that every
action has an equal and opposite reaction. Your choices have consequences; and
just because you cannot easily visualize the effects of the choices you make
today, do not think for a moment that you have escaped them. Whether you pay
now or later, you will pay.
What do you think some of the costs are of not choosing
purity as a lifestyle?
Premarital sex and impure sexual desires cheapen sex inside
of marriage. The beauty of what God has in store is stolen. God created sex and
the way He planned it is better than any cheap, X-rated film—better than even
the most romantic movie Hollywood can imagine. It is more pleasurable than the
lust-driven, heat-of-the-moment romps portrayed in the movies being released in
record number that are aimed at teenage viewers. It is finer than the photo
shopped, airbrushed images in a magazine. It is even more exciting than
forbidden love because it is not associated with guilt. There is no bitter
aftertaste that stays with you robbing you of the sweetness of true sexual
pleasure that satisfies with tenderness rather than tension. That is how God
designed it. Why are we letting our sex-saturated culture snatch this away from
us with its cheap, counterfeit version?
Do no buy into the terrible lies the world will feed you.
Society’s offering to engage in sexual sin has turned something that should be
treasured and preserved into a form of self-indulgent entertainment. You will
suffer great loss by believing the propaganda that is being hurled at you
through music, movies, and social media. The relationship you long to have with
the man to whom you will pledge your life is dependent upon the choices you
make now. Choose wisely knowing that the foundation of your future is being
laid right now.
