Joy Is a Choice

You are on a journey leading down a pathway strewn with boulders and loose gravel.  With every step, there is the possibility that you will end up face down in the dirt, nursing your wounds.  Yet you do not have to make your way through the pitfalls alone.  You can choose to accept or reject the assistance made available to all of us.  However, when you reject the loving hand reaching out to catch your fall, do not complain to Him when you are lying in the sand covered in your filth and shame.  You made a choice.

No one is free from suffering.  We all hurt.  We all bleed.  We all cry.  The choice comes in how you deal with disappointment.  If you choose to focus on the negative, your life will be full of negativity.   Joy is a choice.  I chose to accept the joy offered to me when I repented of my sins and became a Christ follower.  I still have to choose that joy on a daily basis.  It requires focus and faith.  Why do you assume that affliction is particular to you?  It is not!  “Oh, but I can’t choose to be happy!  I can’t remember the good!  Too much pain stands in my way!” You moan and whine, convinced that your miserable life is quite unlike any other.  However, have you suffered to the point of death?  Most likely, you have not or you would not be able to wail so heartily.   You have closed your eyes to the light which wants to flood your soul and remove your agony and grief.

I have as much right as anyone to bemoan my life.  I could focus on being thrown up against a wall when I was six years old by an intoxicated relative and punched in the face.  This was only the first of many abusive encounters.  I could focus on being repeatedly raped from the time I was eight years old until I was ten by a close family friend.  I could focus on being neglected and unloved by those who were placed on this earth to shelter and love me.  But I won’t!  I can’t!  I have been set free.  I have been saved!  There is a life time of joy in just that incident alone.  But if the source ever runs dry, I have been blessed beyond measure since that day.  Is my life perfect?  Far from it!  I have three teenagers, after all, and an unemployed husband.  Yet, I am blessed.  I have made the choice to accept the hand, to lay down my burdens, and to focus on the One who saved me.  

Perhaps, it is time that you do the same.

Saying Goodbye...

My first memories of Pat bring warmth and comfort. I remember visiting her with my dad as a very small child and her kind words accompanied by a smile brought comfort to a very shy little girl. I remember loving her baby boy who would eventually become my brother, as if he were my own. It was easy to discover love in a home where I felt welcomed and appreciated.

Although my relationship with the woman who would become my step-mother grew strained as I hit my teen years, I know much of the fault was mine. I was difficult to love; yet Pat continued to welcome me into her home and continued to profess her love for me. As I matured into a woman, I appreciated Pat much more than I had as a child. I loved the happiness and care she gave to my father. I will never forget how my dad looked at her and spoke to her, especially as he was dying. One moment in particular stands out to me; it was an opportunity that let me witness a demonstration of their unique bond. Pat leaned over my dad’s hospital bed, and with her face inches above his, she gently wiped away a strand of hair from his forehead and softly declared her love for him—a man I knew from all of our lengthy conversations, she had loved since she was 16 years old.  Although their journey back to each other was not without a few bumps and bruises, they had an extraordinary bond, and for that I will always be extremely thankful.

I know I will forever hold fond memories of the stories Pat told me about her youth. I enjoyed being transported back in time by her vivid descriptions. I could almost feel the wind racing through my hair as she bolted around a barrel on the back of her trusty steed. I felt the pain and wanting of her injury from a horse fall that left her body broken. Her stories never ceased to entertain, and through them I learned to love her more.

And who can forget Pat’s love for animals? She always knew I was the person to call with a sympathetic ear when she had rescued yet another stray. We shared a desire to protect the unprotected—God’s weakest, unlovable creatures. In fact, it was the rescue of abandoned kittens shortly after our dad’s death that brought her some joy and purpose. We united over more than one wandering animal which would find its life blessed by Pat’s loving care.

I could share countless memories, impart words of wisdom I received, and continue to dole out demonstrations of affection for a woman who has shared much of the journey of my life with me. However, I know we do not have the time. So the words I wish to express now I give perhaps as a warning.  Life is too short to let the business of our days get in the way of speaking the words we need to say.  You never know when that phone call may come. Our days are numbered before they begin and every day should count for the edification of others. I was given the chance by God’s grace to make the phone call and speak all of the words I wished Pat to hear before she left this earth. But we do not always receive such a chance.  Choose today to make that phone call. Do not assume that tomorrow will come and you may express your love then. The moment is now.

When I asked my children to share their memories of Grandma Thompson, I found that although they could not name a specific time or place, they all could describe the way they felt whenever they visited Grandma and Grandpa Thompson. It was a feeling of love and acceptance. Grandma’s graciousness always ready to give them soda and cookies (like all over indulgent grandparents). If I protested, Pat would look at me and firmly state, “Oh, Kim, a little bit won’t hurt them,” as she would relinquish yet another cookie or piece of candy. Indulgent…loving…protecting.  I quickly realized how similar my children’s memories were to mine. The grandma they knew was the same woman I remember from the time I was a toddler, and I imagine the smiles they were so familiar with were the same smiles that grace my memories. The warmth and comfort that brought me out of my shell are the same feelings which they will treasure in their hearts as they recall their Grandma and Grandpa Thompson.

Thank you, Pat. I know I didn’t make it easy and I am so glad I grew to know and love you. You will be missed more than you could ever imagine.

One of my favorite Bible stories has always been when Jesus raised his friend Lazarus from the dead. It’s a great story, but it has always left me with more questions than answers. Why did Jesus wait until after Lazarus had been dead for four days? Why did He wait to travel to Bethany? If he really loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, why didn’t he drop everything and go when they sounded the alarm? I mean, this literally was a life and death situation.

Many Jews during the first century believed that the soul remained close to the body for three days and could return to the body within that time period. When Jesus showed up on the scene, all hope was plainly gone. Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days! Surely, God had waited too long. Yet, Jesus’ timing was perfect. You see, He doesn’t panic when He sees our predicament. He waits for the proper time so that His power might be revealed to a world which has chosen not to acknowledge Him.

We look at our circumstances and think, “All hope is gone! The fourth day has passed.  Perhaps yesterday, life could have been restored to this situation but not now. In fact, let’s just bury it and try to hide the stench.” However, God in His perfect timing arrives and says, “All is not lost. Life will be restored. Take away the stone!” And we stand on the side lines with our mouths gaping in utter disbelief not knowing what might come walking out of the tomb.

Jesus still works miracles in His timing for the glory of God. When marriages are restored that have been on the brink of destruction, to God be the glory! When employment comes right before financial ruin, to God be the glory! When the world sees hopeless situations turned around through the power of God and lives are transformed, then once again, to God be the glory!

What situations in your life do you believe the fourth day has come and there is no hope for healing? Where have you given up because you believe it is too late? Remember, Jesus stands outside the tomb declaring, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”

John 11:1-44

Pastor Kevin Myers of 12Stone church just co-authored a book with John Maxwell titled,  Home Run.  In the book, life is compared to a baseball diamond.  One must run to first base before he continues on to second, third, and then home.  Although we may laugh in little league to see the batter run to third base first, Kevin points out that beyond little league, it is no longer humorous.  However, in life that is exactly what we have done—we continue to run the bases backwards and wonder why we are left feeling empty and depressed by time we reach home plate.

While listening to Pastor Kevin Myers’ analogy this past Sunday, I realized that the same thing has been done when it comes to intimacy.  We have run the bases backwards.  In today’s society a couple is almost encouraged to become physically intimate upon the first date.  Sex is crammed down our throats through every venue possible—movies, television programming, commercials, magazines, music, books, etc.  The list is exhaustive!  The expectation is that a couple should have sex before marriage.  Third base has become first.

Once a couple has had sex, then they work on developing a friendship.  Yet, these friendships are superficial; there is no authenticity.  Even so, the couple—usually one party more than the other—will cling to this relationship because they know deep down that sex is an act of the utmost intimacy.  They desperately want to cultivate a committed friendship which will eventually lead to marriage.  Second base is challenging to reach.

If the couple ends up surviving this second step of the game, many times they do marry and, like in my case, after the marriage many discover God and forge a relationship with Him.  Then the task of developing spiritual intimacy begins.  After building on the physical as the foundation for the relationship, this is the most difficult step.  It requires complete disclosure.  All the masks must come off, and many times, we do not like what is revealed.  We realize we married someone we never would have chosen had we been in relationship with God at the time.  First base is nearly impossible.

If we would just run the bases as God designed, the game would go according to plan and reaching the next base would be the most natural progression.  When will we realize we cannot continue to run the bases backwards?  We cannot build intimacy with a physical bond as the adhesive.  It will never be strong enough to hold together the relationship when the storms of life come crashing through our doors.  Intimacy must be built with God as the foundation.  After that, the friendship follows, then the love making.  And what is home plate?  Fulfilling, delightful intimacy!

Fifteen years of blood, sweat, and tears reduced to a box of memories.  Woody gave his best over and over again, leading the country in sales time and time again.  Vacation after vacation he carried work with him in his back pocket, ready to pull it out in a moment’s notice and make himself available to his employees.  Dedicated, hard-working, relentless were all adjectives used to describe Woody as he exceeded expectations upon every review.  And now all the awards along with framed photos of our family sit in a box upon his desk collecting dust.

Yet, we are hopeful, almost excited, as God begins a new chapter in our lives.  How can we look ahead with joy in the midst of mayhem?  Because we serve a God greater than our circumstances!  We are not fearful nor do we grow faint.  Don’t get me wrong; we know there will be suffering and doubt along the way.  However, we also know that growing sometimes involves pain.  We are looking well into the future—maybe even beyond our time here on this planet—to our final destination.  Nothing can disappoint us or dim the beauty of what we have yet to experience.

“And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”  Romans 5:5 

Shocked, mortified, bewildered doesn't even begin to encompass all I am feeling right now.  And I didn't even take a direct hit.  My husband absorbed the impact of the news we received this morning.  His ego, any shred of confidence he had, has been blown to bits.  He is the type of man who takes his responsibility as a husband and father quite seriously.  He will protect and provide, but at this moment I know he is questioning how he will continue to do so.

What is my role?  What do I say?  I am just as blown away as he is.  I am on my knees begging for answers and the silence is deafening.  However, my faith is not shaken.  I am looking into the future expectantly, wondering what God will do.  How will we grow from this?  What will we gain?  Those are the questions running through my mind searching for a place to settle.  As shocked as we were by the news we received, God was not.  He has a game plan ready to be played.  We need merely to keep our eyes focused on the way which He has prepared for us.

It doesn't mean the pain is any less searing, nor does it mean we will not doubt the way; yet I know without a doubt we will come out ahead.  God always has a better plan.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

Life Is Exhausting!

Life is exhausting!  If being a wife were not enough to zap the wind from my sails, being a mother is.  I feel like I’m in a row boat on the high seas during a hurricane.  Paddling keeps me afloat and that’s about it.  I am pretty sure “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” did not cover what to expect for the next 18 years while your little bundle of joy grows into a hormonal teenager with an opinion to boot.  Nor did it cover how to keep the romance alive while teenagers roam the house and grow suspicious of any time their parents’ spend alone in the bedroom.  The exclamations of, “That’s gross!” and knocks on the bedroom door really do nothing to add to the ambiance.  I am quite sure that the reason no one has written an in depth book describing what it is like to raise a child from infancy to adulthood, is because if she did, we would fail to "be fruitful and multiply."

Yet, we trudge through the days, some bringing tears while others bring triumph.  We laugh, we cry, and we continue on.  And soon, our oldest child will be off to college and we will be left redecorating his room and trying to fill the void he leaves behind.  We will find more time as a couple to talk about us rather than our children. 

We spent ten to fifteen years in a daze as we developed our children’s character, molded their futures, and helped them develop their passions.  We gave them faith in God and a source for truth.  Occasionally, we would glance to our sides and notice each other there in the dark.  We never thought the light at the end of the tunnel was just that; no, we were certain it was the locomotive that trampled us over every night, leaving fatigued and fighting individuals in the morning.  Now we can clearly see that it was just what so many who had traversed the way before us said it was, hope.

Yes, life is exhausting, but we only have one opportunity to do it right.  In the end we will be rewarded by well-adjusted children who, by the way, will end up traveling down the same road someday.  And I for one can hardly wait to see karma work its way through the next generation.