Creating Beauty from Tragedy

“Don’t wait up for me.” I knew that I would be home after Haley and Haden needed to be in bed; so I was rather surprised when I arrived home at nearly midnight to find Haley’s light peeking out from under her door. I did not say anything but went straight to my room to prepare for bed. Soon, Haley joined me in my bathroom with red-rimmed eyes and a face full of sorrow. “Why aren’t you asleep yet?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“What happened?” I queried.

“You know the white roses I had in a vase on my desk, the ones from daddy’s funeral? Tonight the vase fell over and a lot of the pedals fell off the roses and now they’re so ugly! I cried for nearly an hour. I don’t know why I cried. They’re just dried flowers! I shouldn’t be upset about something stupid like that!”

I looked into her clear blue eyes—eyes that reflected the soul of a wounded child. Loss. She has come to know too much of it. And now something so trivial compared to what she has been through had brought her to her knees. She was broken and unfortunately I had not been there to pick the pieces up off the floor and put them back together. “Oh, sweetheart! They weren’t ‘just flowers.’ They represented daddy and all he meant to you, and when they were damaged it was just more loss that you had to experience when you have already experienced so much. You have every right to your feelings.” I wrapped Haley tightly in my embrace. “You know what?  I will find something that we can do with those petals and broken flowers to make them beautiful again. We will turn this around into something positive.  We will create something beautiful from this tragedy.”

That is what I have been doing since the day Woody died—finding the ways in which God can use our tragedy for good. I mentioned to someone yesterday that all of this is part of the tapestry of our lives. One day it will all be woven together into an exquisite piece of art. What most people do not realize though, is that on the flip side of a tapestry it can look quite chaotic while it is being constructed. And that is where we are—the difficult stage of bringing all of the loose threads together and weaving them into a beautiful story to be told. We are in the messy stage of composition. However, God is the artisan at work behind the scenes, and we know that He makes all things work together for our good.

And the roses? We are working on that, just as God continues to work on us.

Now Is Not the Time to Enlighten Me with Some Profound Truth or Theological Argument

Now is not the time to enlighten me with some profound truth or theological argument. Although there are times for such things, true wisdom is recognizing when. When someone is grieving, all she truly needs is a sympathetic ear and a word or two of encouragement. Please do not use this time as an opportunity to flaunt your philosophical prowess. This has nothing to do with you. Yes, I understand your intentions are good, but tremendous destruction has been wrought in the name of “good intentions.” Look at the crusades or the Spanish Inquisition if an example is needed. If your desire is to truly bring me comfort and you haven’t the words to speak, then don’t. Sometimes solace can be found in silence.

I have been guilty in the past of causing such sorrow with ill-fitted words. Reflecting back on things that I have said, I can now see how insensitive my words were. How I wish I could go back and clutch those words out of the air and swallow them whole before they had the opportunity to inflict more pain upon the hearer! We are too quick to speak. Why? Because we are too prideful. We includes me. I am not immune to this crime. You may be thinking, “No, it was not pride which moved me to speak.  It was the Holy Spirit who requires me to speak truth.” But let me ask you this:  does God kick us when we are down? Yes, I know there are times when He allows us to walk through deep valleys, but would He knowingly speak words that would wound one of His children even more? When your child is in pain, do you offer words of comfort or do you take that moment to speak “truth” that will deepen the sorrow? God is a good Father—a far better parent than you or I will ever be!

I am hurting enough. I should not have to use my rapidly depleting supply of energy to defend a truth that God has given to me during this time. I have clung to Him desperately seeking Him in every waking hour. But even more importantly, before this tragedy ever struck, I sought Him—I developed a lasting relationship with Him. This intimacy was not built in a moment of tragedy, although it has been deepened immensely. The relationship I have with God was built on years of seeking Him first. And now His words are the only words which have brought me true healing. God has revealed things to me that He may not have revealed to you because it has not been necessary. You have not walked through something so harrowing.  Your interpretation of God’s word may be more clinical where mine is painfully raw.  Please try to understand that until you have literally walked in my shoes, you cannot understand God’s word and love the way I do. That is not a prideful statement. I paid the price for that wisdom.  Having this sort of intimacy with God comes at a price that most would not be able to survive.

Give me time to grieve. God will bring me healing, but it may not be on your time table. It may be a year from now when you are wondering to yourself, “Shouldn’t she be over this?” and yet I will still be painfully broken. If it is uncomfortable for you to witness, then don’t. I get it. As a society in general, we do not do “awkward” well. I will survive this because God has protected me from the full force of the blow. He will not allow this dreadful experience to destroy us; and someday I may once again be ready for your words of wisdom and theological arguments.  Someday, just not today….