Now is not the time to enlighten me with some profound truth
or theological argument. Although there are times for such things, true wisdom
is recognizing when. When someone is grieving, all she truly needs is a
sympathetic ear and a word or two of encouragement. Please do not use this time
as an opportunity to flaunt your philosophical prowess. This has nothing to do
with you. Yes, I understand your intentions are good, but tremendous
destruction has been wrought in the name of “good intentions.” Look at the
crusades or the Spanish Inquisition if an example is needed. If your desire is
to truly bring me comfort and you haven’t the words to speak, then don’t.
Sometimes solace can be found in silence.
I have been guilty in the past of causing such sorrow with
ill-fitted words. Reflecting back on things that I have said, I can now see how
insensitive my words were. How I wish I could go back and clutch those words
out of the air and swallow them whole before they had the opportunity to
inflict more pain upon the hearer! We are too quick to speak. Why? Because we
are too prideful. We includes me. I am not immune to this crime. You may be
thinking, “No, it was not pride which moved me to speak. It was the Holy Spirit who requires me to
speak truth.” But let me ask you this:
does God kick us when we are down? Yes, I know there are times when He
allows us to walk through deep valleys, but would He knowingly speak words that
would wound one of His children even more? When your child is in pain, do you
offer words of comfort or do you take that moment to speak “truth” that will
deepen the sorrow? God is a good Father—a far better parent than
you or I will ever be!
I am hurting enough. I should not have to use my rapidly
depleting supply of energy to defend a truth that God has given to me during
this time. I have clung to Him desperately seeking Him in every waking hour.
But even more importantly, before this tragedy ever struck, I sought Him—I developed
a lasting relationship with Him. This intimacy was not built in a moment of tragedy,
although it has been deepened immensely. The relationship I have with God was
built on years of seeking Him first. And now His words are the only words which
have brought me true healing. God has revealed things to me that He may not
have revealed to you because it has not been necessary. You have not walked
through something so harrowing. Your
interpretation of God’s word may be more clinical where mine is painfully raw. Please try to understand that until you have
literally walked in my shoes, you cannot understand God’s word and love the way
I do. That is not a prideful statement. I paid the price for that wisdom. Having this sort of intimacy with God comes
at a price that most would not be able to survive.
Give me time to grieve. God will bring me healing, but it
may not be on your time table. It may be a year from now when you are wondering
to yourself, “Shouldn’t she be over this?” and yet I will still be painfully
broken. If it is uncomfortable for you to witness, then don’t. I get it. As a
society in general, we do not do “awkward” well. I will survive this because God
has protected me from the full force of the blow. He will not allow this
dreadful experience to destroy us; and someday I may once again be ready for
your words of wisdom and theological arguments.
Someday, just not today….
