Waiting. It seems
that the majority of my life has been spent in limbo—waiting to reach
adolescence, waiting to legally drive, waiting to vote, and waiting to be
loved. And with each milestone I have
reached, I have found another just a little bit further down the road that
needed to be attained. Mountains have
been scaled with many a tear shed. I
have shoved past adversity and stared down challenges with much bravado; but
beneath it all I have been lonely and frightened, afraid of the shadows that
fall at my feet.
When have I waited in hope?
To be quite honest, never; but now I must wait and watch. Do I know, I mean really know, who or what I am waiting for? Can I trust the unseen? Can I trust God? Questions obstruct my view until I feel as if
I am wandering through the darkness with my hands secured tightly behind my
back. There is no way to maneuver
through the gloom my mind has created. Not
without God, not without hope. So, here
I wait.
I remember waiting for my dad to die. Was I hopeful? Yes and no.
I was torn into a million tiny pieces, scattered throughout a hospital
room and down the halls. I prayed for my
dad to die, to be released from the shattered shell of a man he had been and
the pain that wracked his body. Though
his death was my prayer, I did not wait in hope but in despair. Yet, God was there. I know He heard me. My expectations were met. You see, hope is the feeling that what is
wanted will happen, a feeling of expectancy.
Many times we desire things to be, but there is no joy in the end
result. Hope is not optimism. Optimism expects the best outcome or a
cheerful result. Hope fulfilled does not
always bring delight. Hoping my dad
would die quickly brought great sorrow, even if it was the desired or best
outcome.
And now I wait for my God.
I wait for Him daily to fulfill His purpose in my life. I wait for Him to speak to my children and
for His call on their lives. The
question that comes to my mind is do I wait in anticipation? Do I believe that what I yearn for will
happen? Do I truly have hope?
“But as for me, I
watch I hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.” Micah 7:7 NIV
