Hope

I walked into Woody's closet yesterday to retrieve the dirty clothes from the hamper. Instead, I found myself running my hand through his shirts hanging from the rod just as he left them. I then stood in front of the shelves where his folded clothes rested in neat little piles.  My hands ran over the course denim and smooth cotton blends. I caressed a shirt that had once covered the chest of the man I loved, and I felt my heart ache inside my chest as I longed to caress the man who once wore the clothing I fingered so lovingly. Finally, I laid my head down on a pile of shorts and began to weep.  

It is getting better.  Somedays it doesn't appear that way, but I am gradually accepting my new role. I am always filled with God's peace.  Yet the sorrow occasionally overshadows the serenity that rests deep in my soul.  I feel completely loved and protected. God has given me a church and community full of people willing to be His hands and feet.  Time will bring healing and new hope. However, in the moment there is unbearable pain and longing.

I quickly departed Woody's closet and descended down the stairs to find Haley sitting in the hearth room with a sweet smile gracing her lips.  While in the midst of the dreariest night God continues to provide a precious reminder that Woody lives on through the three amazing children He so graciously gave.    There will always be hope.  And eventually more smiles than tears.