A Pit of Grief

The kids are gone so I crawled into that pit of grief, and I wallowed in the mire. I felt myself sinking further and further into the pain until my heart felt as if someone had ripped it from my chest and stood nearby squeezing it—not enough to take my life but just enough to cause excruciating pain to burn through my whole being. Why? The question that will never receive an answer this side of heaven. The question that rattles through my brain looking for a place to settle, uncertain of the outcome, needing resolution. This pit may consume me, but not today.

I see that God has thrown me a rope, and reluctantly my fingers wrap around the chords and I grasp it with what little strength I have. I need to believe. I need to know that God will carry me through this. Although some days feel as if I am racing away from the darkness that threatens to consume me, I must believe that I am racing towards the Light, who stands with His arms outstretched ready to catch me and hold me while sobs wrack my body. His hand will soothe away the pain and bring peace; maybe not today, but some day.

I will somehow come out on the other side of this. Somehow I will learn to avoid that dark pit which threatens to swallow me alive and crush my soul. I will learn to grab hold of the life line which God offers me daily, and I will find myself being lifted above the raging sea. I will know laughter and love and fulfillment in the purpose that God has planned for my life. Some day—just not today.