2:00 AM….
3:00 AM….And I watch as the clock continues to mark time.
The children are resting peacefully. For that I am thankful. I wonder if they
are ever plagued with insomnia—a mind that will not shut down, a mind that
relives that day over and over again. I wonder too, how long slumber will elude
me. How long will it be before my dreams let me sleep rather than wake me with
a frightful foreboding? I could possibly live another 40 years. Will I always
wake in the middle of the night with the memory of that day clamoring my
thoughts? Will the solitude always feel so substantial?
I know God has protected me from feeling the full force of
that day. I am sheltered under His wings from the arrows that whiz toward my
heart. However, during the night my guard is down, my mind is weak, and the
attacks on my serenity are powerful and persistent. So under those wings I
crawl, barely able to breathe, waiting for His sweet relief. I know in time it
will come. For now, it just seems so
distant, so out of reach, that it may never come.
4:00 AM….Hopefully, I will not witness that hour tonight,
not consciously. Perhaps sleep will finally be mine.