One step forward, two steps back seems to be the pace at
which we are moving these days.
I often wonder what Woody would make of our current
situation. We are preparing to move for the second time in a year, Hunter is
returning to Asbury University in the fall after losing and regaining his
scholarship, Haley is anxiously preparing for her freshman year at Belhaven
University in Jackson, Mississippi; and Haden and I are faced with the reality
that we will soon be a family of two.
I miss Woody’s sound advice and constant support. I often
question, “What would Woody do?” There is a running dialogue in my head as I discuss
life’s matters with God knowing that I have no one else to turn to who knows me
so well. I second guess every decision I make even after covering it in prayer.
I wonder where we will all be in five years and if my children will look back
on these years with admiration and love; or will they too question every choice
I made and how I managed our affairs. I wonder if self-doubt is part of the
process of becoming a widow. If so, I seem to have perfected it. So many
questions, yet not enough answers.
I know God holds my hand. I know He will direct my path.
However, I still feel so lost most days. The fog is starting to lift and the
sun blankets the horizon with a warm glow. Hope is within grasp. But as of yet,
I still do not have a firm grasp on the future. This is where faith takes the
next step not knowing if the ground will hold but knowing who holds my life.
One step forward….and just maybe today only one step back.
