My children lost their “daddy” on Mother’s Day. For three
and a half weeks I have watched them mourn in various ways. I have seen the
grief overwhelm and numb. I have watched carefully from the sidelines trying to
determine when to step in and help them process their loss in a healthy,
constructive manner. Losing a parent is difficult. It redefines your reality.
It brings up questions of identity. A void has been left in my children’s life that
may never be filled. Hunter will not be able to call Woody for advice on how to
propose to his girlfriend and then how to be a responsible, loving husband.
Haley will not be able to wait in anticipation while her daddy interviews a
prospective husband and then years later, walks her down the aisle to entrust
her life to another man. And Haden will not be taught to drive and shave and
countless other things by his loving father. Yes, I lost a husband, friend,
lover, constant companion; but my children lost their hero.
While walking through the dark I have only been slightly
aware of my surroundings. I have ignored the news and the events happening
around the world. I have been too concerned about my own sphere of influence.
My focus has been on my children and ensuring that this trauma does not define
or destroy them. Pulling my head from the sand yesterday, I was made aware of the
fact that Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner; and apparently everyone has an
opinion on the matter. Some people are downright shameful in their behavior.
Being someone who does not have any association whatsoever to Caitlyn, I have
no opinion. I am too troubled by my own life and safeguarding my recently
downsized family that I haven’t the energy or time to bother myself with the
personal struggles of a complete stranger. I am wondering what is being
neglected in the lives of others that they have so much time to devote to saturating
social media with sentiments which will be instantly criticized by someone else
who has even more time on his or her hands. Why, people, are you squandering
precious moments on something that will most likely never affect you when I am
sure there are people living with you who need your opinions more than your
countless followers?
If you are going to concern yourselves in the whole
Bruce/Caitlyn debate, then please consider the people who matter most in this
event—six children who just recently in a very public way lost their father.
Kylie, Kendall, Brody, Casey, Burt, and Brandon Jenner just lost a father who,
regardless of how well he did the job, was their hero. This has to be a
confusing time for them whether they publicly admit it or not. Can we
demonstrate a little compassion for these young people whose father, in a
sense, has died? When I consider my own children and what they have just
endured with their father’s death, the one thing that has been a tremendous
help is hearing the stories from countless others as to the quality of the
character of the man whom they knew as “dad.” Such positive feedback has aided
them as they process their loss. I cannot imagine what it would be like for
them if every day they had to read degrading comments questioning their father’s
integrity. The Jenner children can no longer identify Caitlyn as father. Yes,
one may argue that technically he is still part of their lives. But Bruce himself
no longer exists. He was living a lie. How is that reality any better than a
physical death?
As someone who has just had her life reprioritized by a very
tragic incident, I ask you to focus on what really matters. Does a stranger’s
sexual identity have anything at all to do with you directly? How will it
affect your spouse and children? Is the whole fiasco distracting you from
remembering who or what is truly worth your time? What if your spouse slid down
a mountain as you stood helplessly to the side and left you a widow and your
children without a parent? Would Jenner’s gender really matter? Please, for the
sake of all that is truly important in your life, voice your opinions where
they will be relevant—with your family, not your Facebook friends.
